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Find A Way

I feel the thunder on my feet as it rumbles,
the lightening shooting  down my spine as it flashes.

I feel the rain soak me to the bone as 

I'm walking in this fearful raging night.
No cars going by, nor lights in the distance--
Just the light from the sky.

 

Walking down this road tonight looking

behind every second, searching for the .

warewolves, vampires, and dragons,
My imagination running wild scaring me

with every sound heard.

 


So alone out here
Why won't anyone rescue me?


Dark woods on each side of the raod
I'm so scared.

I've walked for miles on this

empty road when will I see a clearing?


My feet, hurting from blisters

of this roughened pathway,

questions appear in the wake

of my mind:

.
When will it come to an end?
When will I see the stop sign?

The sign that says.  "Stop and look back

because there is a better life there you've

got the willpower to get it back."

Author notes

Mona Lisa Tears ♥♦♣♠

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Heavens Child
    September 9, 2007

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    Nicely done. You open this very strongly with very vivid imagery and go on to paint a picture that can easily be seen in the reader's mind. What I like most about this is that it's open ended in its interpretation. One can see it as a story or one can see it as a metaphor for life. Very well written and put together. Thank you for the entry.


  • God is my reality
    July 31, 2007

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    This is a gorgeous and strong poem. I love the effort you put into it. You can tell this isn't a quick write. Great Job, and good luck in the contest


  • jo-el
    July 9, 2007

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    wow..lost indeed. the way we begin here is most excellent. first line is always important and the reader is drawn in immediately with yours. i also like the lightening shootin down your spine. there seems to be alot goin on and we can imagine any number of circumstances that would apply. the message you end with helps us to focus all of these images. nicely done


  • ennovy silver member
    July 9, 2007

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    Strong Concept of Life

    and the paths we choose to take. You have given us a view within a view. Telling us to take a look at ourselves too. That all is not lost Or loss! That life goes on so its your turn for a little piece of the pie...I loved it and the balance and flow of the read awesome.....This one was amazingly vivid and full of love as well for life. "Hope you made it! down that long road." Excellent writing!...novy


  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    July 7, 2007

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    WoW I wasn't sure where you were going with this piece until I got to the end. Then it all came together. Then ending has a very nice meaning to it, a great message. I enjoyed.

    Loveandblessings2u & yours always
    Joyce


  • M. Dianne Berry
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This speaks volumes and in many layers.
    You've got necessary ingredients for a piece
    with personal revelations, while still stuck
    in the flesh as is. I know this place..well.

    I like the form overall.
    "Suggestions*

    ~~I'd leave out as many question marks
    as possible. They have a way of cluttering
    or 'cartooning' a rich write such as this one.
    The following line will 'imply' that its all
    a long question anyhow, if you know what I mean.
    ...ditto the punctuation; I've learned that
    poetry has to 'fly' so that we can go 'up' with it
    rather than stall the eye.

    You've lots of stunning images such as :
    the lightening shooting down my spine as it flashes.

    "I feel the rain soak me to the bone as

    I'm walking in this fearful raging night."
    Very nice.


    Suggestions, critiques:
    ~~On another day, I'd look at it
    and see if some of the words could
    get a polish here and there. Mine do.
    Although I understand the purpose, the couplet in the center causes the reader to 'stop' rather than
    see it as a transition.

    "Stop and look back
    because there is a better life there you've
    got the willpower to get it back."<--- did you
    realize you used 'back' twice in this last
    meaningful stanza? Once used, it is strong, otherwise
    diluted.

    I hope my comments help. This is worth the juggling.
    I edit mine to pieces sometimes.......lol. even after they're published!

    Thank you! Warmly, Dianne (CookieZ)


1 - 6 of 6