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It Eats You

Sweet, beautiful girl,
Why do you let it consume you?
It feeds off of your soul
Eating it all the way through.

Dear, lonely girl,
Why won't it let you eat?
It gnaws into you
Claiming your defeat.

Hungry, little girl,
Why are you nothing but bone?
I don't understand why it eats you
Why won't it leave you alone?

Author notes

option 2 depression

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Rianna Bear
    May 24, 2008
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    why won't it leave many alone??

    rianna


  • shadow-cry
    February 3, 2008

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    this is a fantastic way of describing anorexia. It really shows how when your ill you don't realize what you are doing to yourself and the pleads of others mean nothing to you. This touched me..


  • nobodys-girl
    June 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow....this poem is so amazing. i want to say how very sorry i am that it took me this long to comment on your poem. thankyou so much for entering and best of luck!


  • soulfultia gold member
    June 20, 2007

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    Ahhhh, this is one of my favorite borders! This is a wonderful entry! Good luck to you in the contest and this was my pleasure to read ~Tia


  • AshesFromFire
    June 14, 2007

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    pretty, very pretty, yet dark at the same time. This poem hadf a nice flow. It sounds like it should be spoken in a soft voice while holding the love of your life.
    beautiful


  • TwiztidMaggot
    June 14, 2007

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    good.

    this is really nice. I like that it's short... I like short poems better than long ones... it's got good emotion... you did very good!

    Crimson


  • joelegy
    June 14, 2007
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    Nice!!!! I lovethis poem!!! I love the sort of repetitive feel! good job!!

  • Raven Judge
    June 10, 2007

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    Interesting duality at work here.... her depression leading to, if I understand correctly, an eating disorder, that in turn, eats away at her. The physical and mental working together in unison to bring misery... great, yet tragic, symmetry.

    My feeling is, however, that the reader is without any sort of framework in this piece. We can certainly see and understand the thrust of this work but the message of the piece is perhaps too finely tuned (in the direction sense) to carry much mass appeal. It feels literal... you want to know the answers to your questions... rather than rhetorical. Clearly you want to be able to be of some assistance, yet, at the same time, the poem carries with it a sort of shrug... dismissive, even if meant in bewilderment.

    Thank you for your entry.

    ~Das


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    June 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very well done. Enjoyed.


  • Kari gold member
    June 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can only imagine how hard it is for people that suffer with disorders like this. I hope that you're ok now though. Anyway, it was filled with a lot of emotion and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
    Kari


  • whiterabbit.
    June 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this a lot. It's short but to the point. Very powerful and deep. I love the emotion in this. Great Job and thanks for entering.


  • CherylAnn
    June 6, 2007

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    WOW Powerful

    This is one powerful write.The effects of depression are devastating to ones self.I suffer from it myself and because of just this I suffer from diabetes now...I would often not be hungry and pretty much starve myself as appetite does not exist...
    Good Luck in the Contests
    Blessings
    ~Cheryl~


  • Moonlight Raven
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    When writers use a rhetorical question, they do it in order to consume the thoughts of the reader. In the first stanza, you ask a question then give your explanation in the form of a metaphor. This is quite well done and I’m impressed, most just leave you wondering within the thought of the question. And again, in the second stanza, a question followed by a metaphorical explanation.
    The third and final stanza is more of confusion. You make an observation, ask a metaphorical question, explain your lack of ability to understand and then naively ask another question. Very clever indeed.
    Overall I actually like this, short and sweet. Thought provoking yet, satisfactory enlightening.
    As you are aware this is the erotic section of the contest. As you poem isn’t erotic I have included a link to a part of the contest that I feel your poem will be best
    suited to. http://allpoetry.com/contest/2352382 the judges in that contest will welcome your entry. Well done and thank you for entering the 2007 raven contest, I wish you the very best of luck
    moonlight raven


  • Lauren Noir
    June 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the questions you asked in this, it worked very well
    They were well written, they were true
    I could feel them, and I do relise, the skinny get skinnier
    I loved the way they were adressed
    It was wonderful
    I loved it
    Thank you so much


  • NickelleteXninja
    May 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i ALMOST LOVE THIS POEM! iF IT AHD JUST A LITTLE MORE DESCRIPTION IT WOULD BE WONDERFUL

    ITS DEFIANTELY RIGHT AND THE TRUTH..

    THE TINY ONES TEND TO SUFFER THE MOST

    NOT ALWAYTS BUT TYPICALLY


  • Suberu14
    May 23, 2007

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    This is a true expression of depression and what depression does to you in time. It sounds like you too are suffering from depression and if you're not you know enough about it to write such a beautifully expressed peice. I'm glad you entered my contest! Goodluck!


  • brightXdarkness
    May 22, 2007

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    aww I really like this one, I love how you are able to see the process of the "eating away" of the little girl. How to an outsider the situation seems to simple to fix and gain control it, however, as it eats away at her even more, it becomes unclear to the outsider and he/she is left wondering why it was even there. The little girl may even be thinking that too... why is it there, and why wont it leave her alone, what did she ever do to deserve this?


  • BornWithAPen
    May 22, 2007

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    I dont think its love

    This is really deep, i get the idea that its not love but either depression or self loathing, which i suppose ultimately leads to depression, i think the second line of verse two indicates that it is something to do with annorexia, and the 2nd line of the first verse would indicate that it is a focus, that nothing else matters in the characters life except to be thin, altho the 1st line of verse 4 would suggest that the desire to be this way is'nt an absolute, because of the reference to the hungry little girl, and i think the whole narrative is a statement of disassociation from the character by the character because its all told in the third person, i am probably way off on this, but i thought you might geta kick out of how i saw it.
    i think this is an amazing piece and you should be very proud of your talent, very deep, very very intelligent, enjoyable read, but the most important thing is that this gets past the veil of self pity that society thinks most sufferers of this condition hide behind, and gives a more empathic view of what is an illness, i truly hope you write more in this way.
    Michael


  • xandercheerios
    May 21, 2007
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    Hah, this is very nice! Not consistent rhythm, but it works if you understand how to read it! Line 2 has 8 syllables, where line 4 has 7 might wanna change one of those, line 6 has 6 line 8 has 5 might wanna change one of thems too... Great content, pretty good flow. overall rating 8/10

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