She gazed at me with weary eyes and {frosted intentions}.
We both knew her revolting secret and dreaded this intervention.
Her boney fingers plucked at her faded cotton dress,
Alienating shades of {strangled indigo} and muted coral with each spastic caress.
Onyx eyes blazed from her delicate skull with blinding force,
Without a single trace of hesitation or remorse.
I studied her, this fierce, broken creature who’d been {shattered whole}.
My eyes roamed her gaunt face, {tracing circles over her soul}.
Pressing my fingertips to cold lips, I didn’t know what to say.
How is it that this cruel world can convince a beautiful woman to throw herself away?
We sat in silence,{soaking up the animosity} that lingered between us.
Words began to crowd my tongue, but I knew not which painful topic to discuss.
How does one eloquently ask: “Why are you killing your mortal perfection?”
When the subject in question cannot even bear the sight of her own reflection?
I just kept staring at her ruined countenance, recalling the days of her {electric laughter},
When we use to dream a child’s fantasy of living happily ever after.
But that was long ago, before we slipped into the adult masquerade,
Before her heart was torn asunder by reality’s cold blade.
And, yet, forevermore shall I remember her youthful aspirations, so vast and so grand;
Flowering dreams, {petals of innocence}, crushed beneath {a monologue of sand}...
By Mercedes Spears
Author notes
{{I selected option 5 [the phrase bank]and used 8 of the given phrases.}} This poem holds a great deal of symbolism [i.e. the "monologue of sand" represents the barren wasteland that humanity can become; this world is like shifting sand].
A contest entry
- Battle Of The Muse. Fighting With Ink: {ROUND ONE} by PerfectImperfection.
900 points, ended June 20, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
The symbolism in this piece.
Comments
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very intense write you have there. i like it a lot. i loved how does one eloquently ask: why are you killing your moral perfection
and also your use of symbolism was excellent. monologue of sand wow. and i basically love this poem. woo ;D
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Wow. You've filled this poem with many amazing descriptions.
I didn't so much care for the rhyme or the fairly long lines, but the metaphors & imagery just blew me away.
You used the phrases extremely well - they form a real part of your poem.
Perhaps you intended this poem to be interpreted differently, but my first thought when reading this was about eating disorders in young girls. I don't know, it just seemed to fit. I guess it can also be interpreted on a much larger scale, too.
A beautifully moving piece.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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Great write! Had it not been for the brackets, I myself would not have even noticed the word bank phrases; seamlessly incorporated into rhyme. Nice flow, with excellent use of imagery and metaphor. Thank you so much for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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This is brillant, I love it. Such imagery and simple ideas that give this poem life. I didn't even notice the phrase bank words, and that's how well it flowed together.
Awesome job.
Thanks for entering.
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