Tell her she is unique. Tell her
she lives in my words. Tell her
that her face has no pain, as she
remembers it, within those lines.
Tell her many words wait. Tell her
I must write them one by one. Tell her
the praying mantis is hungry. She
will understand. Tell her the pines
are infected with beetles. Tell her
Old Seventy creek runs swift. Tell her
its cold water flows over stones she
will never see. Tell her the confines
of my mind contain--tell her--
hundreds & hundreds--tell her--
of ideas for poems. She
is curled around their images, their wines
are riesling sweet.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
very nice images gere
-
I have always loved your poetry, but this one is.... amazing. As always.
I have been reading your words, invisible, even mute as I am.
-
-
Invisible becomes the written word. It is great to know that you still drop by...
-
-
You have an almost Frost like quality where the naturalness of your poetry breathes easy life into images and moods so eloquently expressed. It is a joy to read. Where some repetition can hammer nails into a reader’s boredom, this is a great example where it is structured like lacework. There is such a gentle touch with sharp eye to what works and what doesn’t. It’s a great piece.
David
-
beautiful, I always love your work.
whisper
-
She is a cruel, self-absorbed mistress who listens only when she can be arsed, which, to be honest, often comes with riesling bribery.
'nother gem
-
-
riesling=exceptional bribe...
Thanks...
-
-
hmmmm . . . riesling sweet? German wine, yes?
This is a cool poem . . . the whole thing with the line breaks makes it look and sound interesting. The vibe, the message, and the sound are in harmony. I sense you had fun writing this. If I wrote this I think it would have been an enjoyable experience.
-
-
Yes, a German or Austrian wine, Jaden... As you know from my work, the line breaks serve instead of rhyme, with repetition in three lines and end-line rhyme in the fourth in each stanza...
-
-
for me ... its in the tell her .. and the curled images, riesling sweet ... the imagery ... and then i love to follow a read in zara's comments - always learning and such comments open up wonderful possibilities ...
wherever i may be at ... your poetry is fine fine fine ... >>> gina
-
-
I am pleased the the (tell her) was effective, as well as the imagery that helped carry the poem to its completion.
Reading zara's comments keeps me on my toes. That you want to learn; are learning; and give praise concerning my words, brings pleasure it its wake...
-
-
Now that I know your method, it's particularly interesting to see a poem grow out of it. The end-of-stanza rhyme, in this case, does just what I find delightful in poetry - cause the leap to unexpected places. Here, it starts with "pines". My guess is that "pines" came before the mantis thought, but it is the mantis that jumps out at the reader - "where did that come from?" - begs to be read as metaphor. "Wines" at the end is another unexpected turn - made me smile.
The repetition of "tell her" drives home the title, makes it seem like the poet has a duty. It could be called overdone, I suppose, but maybe it makes the poem. It creates a rhythm, a bit hypnotic.
Wonderful poem; love it!
-
-
Now that you know the method to my madness, perhaps you can craft a method of your own. You asked about the praying mantis, wondering where that came from--to be honest, it came from the praying mantis I kept in the house over the winter... When it began to move about, I put it outside so it could feast another year. The metaphor to it, for me, is that of a reader, seeking words...
I'll pop the cork on the wine later...
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
