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Evangeline


 

 

And even from birth I was a proud wooded vessel
hardwood beams formed my crest and prow: Oak,
Chestnut, Black Walnut, and Sycamores; Three masts,
from names nearly forgotten ere now. America still young.

And I was framed and shaped by hand drawn plane,
foot powered saws, dragged by sweating mule teams;
made with such care as even a bygone day had rarely seen
I was a princely figure among most ordinary tonnage.

So proud were my trading company owners like parents proud
seeing their fine offspring set out into the world, with a prayer;
a fond calling to  Heavens for a fair return on expenses,
the only reward they sought, and a lovely name - Evangeline.

And for months did I skim smoothly over waters
Atlantic cold, Caribbean emerald, and off to Guinea Coast;
and back again Rum, Sugar Cane, and finished goods
a triangle of good profit and fulfillment of my blessings.

And then came difference, my days so changed were they,
a new triangle to Africa and barely holding provisions half empty;
and then filled was I with the people from the places I had seen:
Guinea, Nubians and Ivory lands, the beautiful colors they wore and their smiles.

No, this day there were no colors and no smiles, dragged were they
and unwilling to fill my hull, head to foot in rows like packed fish;
and Mothers cried as they left their babes, and grown men were
broken in grief, and more still they came unto even the deck places filled.

And now did my boards groan and seep salty waters,
and did the sound rise up over me . For I was a minister
of the worst, man has done his worst today within my ribs.
Sail to Americas the halls of freedom await wealth I bring;
Evangeline of tears, hulled with chains, and profits,
Evangeline with a painted smile on her prow.

 

 

 

Author notes

Evangel the four books of the Bible describing the life of Christ.
Note: The attempt here was to write well and then include a meaningful and evocative message.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

: , Your review:

Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
: no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 49 of 49

  • MariGoes gold member
    May 14

    Edit | Reply
    This is another of the Red Blood Sea ship...
    From being beautiful and royal to become ugly when carrying hearts and soul to a life way beneath to any human being.
    You my friend, can put those matters in such a poetic and touching way


    Mari


  • Jaden silver member
    March 14
    Edit | Reply
    Very classic. Very good.

  • ecrivain01 silver member
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    This is certainly ...

    a powerful poem. You've managed to to elicit a rare poignancy without being maudlin -- which is what most poems on this kind of subject wind up being. Congrats on the Silver trophy by the way.



  • tanzanite
    October 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I was a princely figure among most ordinary tonnage.

    Evangeline of tears, hulled with chains, and profits,

    This was profound and I loved how you made the ship talk and personified it.

    One or two things you might want to look at though:
    "So proud were my trading company owners like parents proud"
    I would take out one of the prouds here. Also in the next line off spring should be offspring.

    Well, other than that I loved this piece

    • Peteskid gold member
      October 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      ty for the gentle edits, appreciate it more than you know as I need to get these older pieces into shape...Thanks again...PK

  • Rose Angel gold member
    September 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A Masterpiece of Telling A Ships' History

    Oh my.Gold should have been yours!I know a woman named Evangeline,my Moms' friend..All the beauty of wood that adorned her body...and when trading goods over, human lives in torment, frightened, mistreated,the dead thrown overboard..You tell the history of a ship but also a nation in its'time..Excellently done, and your footnotes say just what hypocrisy of the name and its use. You excel in this write,and I am glad I read it, and will read it again and again....Masterpiece!

  • Nelsen6790Trafalger
    August 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Superb

    Wow, a really marvelous write indeed, very evocative.
    The title of your poem reminded me of another classic poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, which shares the same title, if you're not familiar with it, here's a link to click on: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evangeline


  • brown paper bag
    July 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You write with great depth and imagery.This was a lovely piece to read. Thank you for stopping by my work.
    ~helen


  • drybones
    June 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    You were kind enough to read and comment on one of my poems so I thought I would return the favor. After reading this beautifully crafted piece, I am pleased I was drawn to your page. This is truely a meaningful and deeply moving piece that recalls the shame and horror of the slave trade.Well done!

  • Nicole Hanna
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I went looking over a bunch of your poems today. lol. Because I do that from time to time, and I gotta say (not just because this was the first piece listed) this is one of my favorites. Absolutely stunning writing, especially the opening stanza.

  • Shakari
    June 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This piece sent me out to the seas where the wind blew me away and I floated among those surprised by this write. You have used Biblical references to tell your own tale, your view, and with that view, creating such detail to spark vivid imagery. Your words are so powerful and I would love to congratulate you on the well-deserved silver. Good luck in the try for gold and keep up the great work!

  • Dalaney gold member
    June 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I had to read this again...it is bookmarked
    and one of my favorite poems on this site.
    lane

  • Amera gold member
    June 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    At the beginning of the read I was all ready to respond with a clever comment in old English as if I was a pirate. As I got deeper into the poem I realized the gravity of this write. I could never degrade a masterpiece like this with humor. I am so impressed with this poem as to truly touched my heart.

    Well done!

    Love,
    Amera ♥


  • Lucca
    June 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow u only got a silver for that beautiful write! I loved the imagery and words of intellegence.

  • one-among-words
    June 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    ^_^

    I love it!




  • Dalaney gold member
    June 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I am completely taken with this...
    You have written an amazing piece
    that not only tells a story, but you
    did it was such beauty and grace. I
    commend you, my friend. Love, Lane


  • Luna Tique Fringe gold member
    June 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love the story told. The personification..everything.


  • myrataal silver member
    June 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    The Poet as Vessel ...

    becomes boat and womb and heart and Heaven ... enclosing emotions, symbols, tokens, experiences ... set in rhythm and rhyme. Indeed an oceanic journey towards Eternity. Thank you for the eb and flow of a tidal heart, temporary in transit in space and time.

    Love
    Myra


  • six of diamonds
    June 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your poem made me think of the LiveShip sci-fi series by Robin Hobb...the first book "Ship of Magic"--
    in those books the kind of wood used made the ship feel and be alive.

    I didn't need the secondary connection with Evangel--I liked it as it was, a description of a ship and what it might feel if it could
  • Virgoan
    June 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent!

    My favorite lines:

    So proud were my trading company owners like parents proud
    seeing their fine off spring set out into the world, with a prayer;
    a fond calling to the Heavens for a fair return on the expenses,
    the only reward they sought, and a lovely name - Evangeline.

    Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing my friend.

    ~VIRGOAN~

  • flyingkite
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on winning your trophy. This poem makes me want to well up inside, and spill out all over the place. I am not familiar with "Evangel". Never heard of these books before. When you have time I would love to know more. I am going to google out of curiosity. Your sixth stanza really touched me. It is vividly written, as is the entire poem. I am in awe. You are only my second read on this site, and it is causing me to be a bit intimidated because of two excellent first impressions. I can see I am among some exceptional poets. I hauntingly enjoyed my venture onto you page. This poem is heartfelt and poignant.


    Della

    • Peteskid gold member
      June 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Della

      for your wonderful kind words and generous comments, I hope you will grace the AP site with your art and poetry; yes there are some extraordinary writers on AP so many styles and types, I hope you continue to find writings that you enjoy. Thank you so much for reading and I look forward to seeing your work...my friends on AP call me- PK

  • Zayra Yves gold member
    May 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You definitely accomplished what your author's notes state you set out to do. This is an excellent and thorough poem with its meticulous and suitable language.


  • lucy sky-diamond
    May 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow
    this poem is so vivd, such powerful description. the way you personalise the boat is amazing, and the way you look on the story with a changing perspective is great
    a true masterpiece
    lucy


  • truembrace
    May 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was so detailed PK! The voice used was great... the story was just as strong as the voice. No wonder this brought a silver trophy.

    Such a great write with following the story and giving life to Evangeline.

    Kim


  • Janice M Pickett
    May 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I like your style

    I have never read your work before but now I am very glad I did. Would you please contact me. I have something to ask you.
    Thanks and hugs
    Jan

  • AngelicMistress gold member
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the way you express yourself......

    Your play with words is awesome and the art of keeping the reader "on" until the end is priceless.....

    Your works always are clear and inviting, for this I thank you for sharing with me on this site.....

    Be blessed with love and light and please, continue to put your words in beautiful masterpieces for others to enjoy.

    Your friend always,
    AngelicMistress...Tanya

    . Rewarded 8


  • Takunaki
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent piece you have here dear poet. An absolute pleasure to read. Your personification of the ship is brillantly done. Thank you for sharing this. Keep up the great work =]

    • Peteskid gold member
      May 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Takunaki

      for your kind words and generous comments and for taking time to read, it is so much appreciated...PK

      please forgive me for mistyping your name last time, I am a poor typist

  • April Renee
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i like the personification of the ship. very interesting. original. good job with writing this. good luck in the contest.

    blu

  • ea silver member
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this poem a lot and have read it several times. I especially like this idea of the ship's role as a minister, as well as all the rich details of by-gone times. I'm sure this is a winner. All the best.

  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This, oh, my, this raises the bar....

    this is perfection for a ship-poem...and I lvoe the song by Jennifer Warren, as well...

    • Peteskid gold member
      May 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Carol

      For the contest, so creative, all of your hard work and the wonderful comments; there were some great poems entered here so thank you for the Honor Of the Silver...PK

  • poetryality silver member
    May 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is written with the pen of an expert crafts-person. Literary crafting is immeasurable in my eyes. Your ship is vividly detailed. I can feel it through the waves of a hardened life.

    I have heard tail of slaves calling out the name Jesus, but it was not the Son of God they bellowed. It was a ship called; Jesus that they beckoned day and night to carry them back to the Motherland.

    Your poem creates the imagery of a wonderful "vessel" that was built for pleasure but abused by man. In your fifth stanza, the turn of events for this ship haunt its beauty and send it sailing in an unexpected direction.

    You have masterfully written this poem my dear friend. I wish you all the best in this challenge.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee


    • Peteskid gold member
      May 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Renee

      someday i will write about "calling on Jesus" thank you for reading and for your most informed, welcome and pleasing comments... it is always wonderful to hear form you...PK

  • Cannonsfire silver member
    May 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have had the pleasure to feel the salt in my face on a tall ship in Melbourne, to think back on these proud vessels from long ago brings many stories to mind. This is nicely done. Love, C


  • ennovy silver member
    May 21, 2007

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    Beautiful Tall Ships

    I wish there were some ships that could talk. Oh! The stories they would tell. You gave us a perfect picture of all her cargo, even the human beings. How they abused such a fine work of art, turing her into a prison. I see and can feel why Evangeline painted on her smile. You captured the spirit of the Tall ship eloquently yet sadly. Excellent writing, dynamic poem.......of deep meaning!........novy


    • Peteskid gold member
      May 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Novy

      for your kind words and most generous remarks, this was an experience of mine i went aboard an antique ship
      in SF bay years ago, and the vision and emotions that came over me are reflected here... PK

  • Night Hope gold member
    May 21, 2007
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    Nicholas will love it. Beautifully done. Good luck in the contest.


  • Amaranthine Lover silver member
    May 21, 2007

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    The perspective you wrote from really was extraordinary. It's such a mature style and format and subject matter taht you have in this, it really made me read it. Keep writing!


  • katscradle silver member
    May 21, 2007

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    SPEECHLESS

    I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY ...ITS A BEAUTIFUL POEM IMAGERY WAS PERFECT IT WAS EVERYTHING YOU SPOKE OF IN EVERY LINE
    JOB WELL DONE KEEP IT UP!!!

    . Rewarded 4


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    May 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a well thought out and written piece full of description. There are a few places that need tweaking and tightening, but no one can expect perfection in every piece. Even Shakespeare edited his pieces many times before he was fully satisfied with what he'd written. It's good enough for AP contest standards I was going to enter this contest, but I can't see how I'd ever beat this write. Well done with it.
    La x


    • Peteskid gold member
      May 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Laura

      for your generous and most pleasing comments, i hope you enter Carol's contest and grace us with an offering; it is always wonderful to hear from you...PK

  • Danna Hobart
    May 21, 2007

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    Well, I have to say that this is written adequately. Your metaphor is proficient enough, but I just don’t feel the heart of the piece. It is as if you got so involved with the details that you forgot the soul of the piece. I will try to explain.

    Mark Twain said “writing is easy, all you have to do is cross out all the wrong words.” I think that could be a place to start here.

    And even from birth I was a proud wooded vessel … to avoid redundancy, you do not need to state that you are wooden vessel here because you talk about the hardwood in the very next line.

    hardwood beams formed my crest and prow, Oak
    Chestnut, Black Walnut, and Sycamores; Three masts,… you are not naming the genus of the trees, so they do not need to be capitalized. Actually, I don’t think you need to name the kind of wood that was used at all. Hardwood is sufficient, and as a reader, I get bored with these tedious details. If you tightened up the piece by cutting out all of the redundancies and superfluous information you would have a much more powerful piece.


    • Peteskid gold member
      May 21, 2007
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      Thank you Danna

      for the critique and the most helpful edits, so very much appreciated...PK
  • atty-poet
    May 21, 2007

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    Lovely visuals in this excellent narrative poem. Especially like this line "man has done his worst today within my ribs". But I think the semi-colons in the first two lines are not working right. Try a dash or a colon after "prow", and then list the woods with commas. just a grammatical trip-up for me there. well done PK.

    . Rewarded 6


    • Peteskid gold member
      May 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you AttyPoet

      for your most helpful comments and edits, and i have used them already for the improvement of the piece, many thanks for reading...PK

  • Griswold silver member
    May 21, 2007

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    Nice

    Wow, very well done indeed, the pain of a proud ship sentenced to tote slaves to a new land unwilling. Great imagery here, i liked it alot...Scott

    . Rewarded 4


    • Peteskid gold member
      May 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Mr Junkman

      for your kind words and generous comments, thank you for reading, so very much appreciated...PK
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