Pearl kisses glisten
suspended by small green blades,
hung out in
the open air.
Reflecting nature
inside this water dollop;
sky and ground
meshed together.
Author notes
This is my first attempt at a sedoka. (5/7/7, 5/7/7 - syllable count) Please let me know if I need to change anything.
A contest entry
- SEDOKA POETRY~ by Malabu.
750 points, ended June 6, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Spring time madness Anything happy by Red Rose of Light.
375 points, ended June 9, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Just say what you feel needs telling...or have one of those random whims to comment on something.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
Excellent! This subject you chose blends so well with the form and the prompt given; for what's more naturally beautiful than foliage bathed in morning dew? Personally, I think this piece deserves a shinier color than green; but I say congrats just the same and hope you will be encouraged to write more in this form. This is the best one I've read in my opinion and I have read several from this contests entries! Blue
-
You have done a great job
for a first sedoka....form and perspective are on the mark....I see the beauty....although some words I would rather see more promesing...
Pearl kisses glisten
suspended by small green blades,
lingering in
the open air.
inside dollops dew
nature Reflects morning's awe
sky and earth
melt together.
and as for the style written...it is not necessary to write sedoka this way....I just like the way it looks...lol your writing is beautiful and the images are well expressed.....
great sedoka for a first try...
thanks for honoring me with this lovely work...
Mal
-
very good. very beautiful. good luck
-
This displays some really cool images. Great job.
-
I enjoyed this read. I felt like i could be moisture o on blades of grass bieng drawn by warm air into the sky.GreatWork!!!
-
i don't know what a sedoka mean but this piece is really lovely describing the dewdrops perfectly. impressive!
-
I think you did a great job with this. Echoing the hosts example makes the presentation stronger. Very nice. I wish you the best in the contest.
Sam
-
im not sure if the format is right, im no english teacher, but it is a very lovely poem. i love how you used the word dallop. i dont see it all that often lol.
wonderful wording, great imagry, enjoyable read.
-
I like your observation of ground and sky together inside a drop of water. Really nice! (=
-
nicely writen keep it up!!!!
-
Nicely written, vivid images, I even like the way air rhymes with together. I don't think I wouyld change anything
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
