MUGD Chapter 12

“I can’t believe you actually put up with that skirt for so long,” Dan laughed at dinner that evening.  “I mean, you just about did last year when Aunt Janet made you wear that dress for Christmas!”
“I don’t have to dress up this year, do I?” Yes, I had become used to wearing skirts while at Cabot’s, but I despised dresses above all else.
My mother sighed.  “Well, I guess not, but mostly because you’ve had to wear that skirt for months now…”
“Just don’t point it out to Aunt Julie-”
“Julianna,” my mother corrected.
“Yes, yes, of course,” I said.  “Sorry, Mother.  I’ll begin [practicing my bowing and scraping now, so I don’t disgrace Madame.”
My mother’s expression looked half-tickled, half-annoyed, and partly bemused.  Dad still was choosing to speak to me little.
“Dad, are you angry because of me message on the answering machine?” I asked.
I heard my mother mutter something, something, something, “blunt”, then another couple somethings.
“Messages,” Dad clarified, and I took that to mean, “yes”.
“If you’d like, I’ll explain,” I said.
“Actually, I’ll explain,” Dan interrupted.  “You see, it’s my fault.  I sent a letter to her, told her to call and say… well, you’ve already heard the message.  I thought it’d be a bit of a jokaye, I didn’t mean it to go this far.  I’m sorry, sir.”
My jaw dropped.  How could he take the wrap for that? He had nothing to do with it! Was he trying to get himself in trouble?
I saw a look of disappointment come over Dad, then anger.
“I’m done,” I said.  “Dan’s done, too.  We’ll call Uncle Samuel and tell him to expect Dan in an hour at the most.”
I hopped out of my seat and turned to leave the room; Dan took the hint and followed me.
“Why did you tell Uncle Robert that you’re going to tell Uncle Sam that it’ll take an hour?”
“Because that’s what I’m going to do.”
“You know it only takes me forty-five minutes!”
I was already dialing the number.  Ringing.  Ringing.  Uncle Samuel, pick up your phone!
“Hello?”
“Hello? This is Monica, Uncle Samuel.  Yeah, I’m on Christmas break.  Sorry, but I’ve got to make this call short.  Yeah.  I was just calling to let you know that Dan’ll be home in about an hour.  okay.  I’ll see you Christmas! Bye!”
“Why did you tell him that?” Dan almost looked angry, but he wasn’t.  What he was, I didn’t know, but it was usually difficult (for me, at least) to anger.
“Me? Why did you tell my dad it was your fault?” I asked.
“That’s right,” he said.  “I took the wrap fro you, it’s what I do.  I don’t care what New York’s done to you, I’m not changing.”
Huh! What about Tashy, hmm? Y’all’s relationship ain’t changed none, huh?
“I got to go,” Dan said.  “I guess I’ll take the long way since I’m supposed to take an hour.  I’ll see you at y’all’s Christmas party.  We’ll be early.”
“Like always.” I smiled as Dan left, but as I should have anticipated, Dad wasn’t through with me.
“How come you didn’t write to us or call us to tell us what Dan told you to do?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I shrugged dismissively.  “It just slipped my mind, I guess.  I was so busy reading, and doing homework, I… I guess I just forgot.  I really am sorry.”
My mother and dad seemed to accept my package of half-truths, and I was happy with that.
I went to my room, and began to brainstorm.  After all, I had to buy gifts for several people, and didn’t have a clue what to get.
And with what money?
That question stumped me.  I only had two weeks, and my only option was to make something.  I had never been very crafty, and my talent for homework wouldn’t help me now.  Besides my lack of experience in making things, I had few materials.
Duct tape, I told myself lamely.
Desperate though it may seem, I searched the internet for “things you can make out of duct tape”.  I couldn’t believe someone had made a duct tape lovers website.
Things You Can Make:
wallets
purses
belts
shoes
dresses
roses
pencil holders

I smiled.  I couldn’t believe someone made the site, but I loved it.  I took out a piece of paper and started jotting things down:

Dan - pencil holder
Uncle Samuel - wallet
Aunt Julie - roses
Abby - dress
Aly - dress
Aunt Anna - ?
Uncle Joe - ?
Erl - shoes?

It took long studies and my entire two weeks, but I learned how to make a pencil holder for Dan, and a wallet for Uncle Samuel, but the duct tape roses for Aunt Julie proved impossible; they took skill and precision in art that I simply did not have.  So, I made her a flower out of tissue paper, and it almost didn’t look half-bad, I handmade Christmas cards for Aunt Anna and Uncle Joe (they, unlike Aunt Julie, appreciated the simple things).  The only shoes I could make that Erl might wear were flip-flops.  None of these items took as long as Aly and Abby’s dresses.
After all was done, I realized I shouldn’t have put so much work into the gifts.  Uncle Samuel, Aunt Anna, Uncle Joe, and Erl might get something out of their gifts.  Dan wouldn’t really use a pencil holder, Aunt Julie would look at the flower with pity, and the dresses would be thrown in the garbage as soon as the twins got home.

I met Dan at the stop sign on the after noon of Christmas Eve.  I could’ve waited at home, but I was excited, so I didn’t.
“Guess what?” was the first thing he said, but didn’t appear to be excited.  “Nana and Grandmother are both coming.”
“Oh no,” I groaned.  Nana and Grandmother weren’t actually Dan’s grandparent, but he addressed them as such.
Nana and Grandmother both came from families with strict traditions.  Grandmother (my mother’s mother) liked everything good and proper, and Nana… her traditions didn’t occur at most celebrations, but when they did, it was strange.  When the paths of Nana and Grandmoth crossed, one tradition would prevail; one that included me.
It was a memorial for Roseanne Ginger, Dan’s real grandmother.  She was a performer back in her day.  She could sing, and always stole the spotlight by doing so.  She could also dance; Uncle Samuel was her partner.  As previously noted, she died.
Naturally, Nana wanted to do something to remember her by.  When Nana first mentioned this idea, Grandmother just happened to be there.  And she just happened to have an idea, too: a memorial dance, because Rose performed.  Dan was her last descendent.  Guess who got to perform with him?
“But I don’t want to dress up, though!”
Dan looked down, and I realized my error.  Rose was, after all, his grandmother, and I was supposed to represent her (Dan represented Uncle Samuel; it was a reenactment of their first performance).
“Yeah, I’ll do it,” I said, and we walked back to my house, where we went straight up the stairs and into my bedroom.
“Have you called your friends yet?” Dan asked as I fingered through my closet, searching for the red dress I wore only for this tradition.
“Who? Oh, no, I haven’t.”
“What did you say their names were, again?” Dan asked.
“Actually, I don’t recall ever mentioning that to you at all,” I said, but I knew he’d get the information out of me one was or another, so I told him, “Lee Sooplex and Nick Porker.”
Dan let his entire face fall into his hands.  “No girl friends, eh? Wait, did you say Nick Porker?”
I nodded.
“The Nick Porker?”
I nodded again.
“Wait, wait, wait,” he said.  “This Lee guy… you mentioned him first.  Dang, he must be something’ else if you mention him before Nick Porker.”
I shrugged.  “He’s okay, I guess.  But Nick Porker’s not all that either, trust me.”
“Really?”
“Who do you think raised his GPA?”
“You?”
“Me.  Actually, I hated the both of them after getting to know them.”
“And yet you helped the study?” Dan gave me his “I-cannot-believe-how-desperate-you-are” look.
“Well, eventually, the hate lessened to dislike, and no we’re cool.”
“So, you’re not considered a geek sickle anymore? -Not that you ever were… You know, I’m going to leave the room.  Let you change.”
I smiled as Dan left the room, and then put the dress on.  As I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt like I should be holding a fan or something; it would look good.
Dan reentered moments later and looked at me, the way a father looks at his daughter, as though saying, “Quit growing up so fast!”
“Beautiful,” he sighed.  “Now, I’m going to need this.” He picked up a velvet box off my desk and put it in the pocket of his suit jacket.  Inside the box was a amulet that had belonged to Rose.  She never performed without it.  After her death, it was passed from Uncle Samuel to Dan to me.  This day, it would be our prop.
“Now,” I said.  “Let’s go over the dance once before everyone gets here.  I haven’t done this all year, and I’d hate to flub up in front of the whole family.”
Dan nodded.  “Just remember to put that rose in your hair.  It’s crucial to the tradition.”
“Right.”

After all of our guests had arrived (Uncle Samuel, Uncle Joe, Aunt Anna, Uncle Billy, Aunt Julie, Abby, Aly, Grandmother, Grandfather, Nana, and Grandpa), we gathered around at table.  We enjoyed a smokayed ham, sweet potatoes, and steamed vegetables.  Aunt Anna brought her homemade rolls, and Aunt Julie brought salad.  We listened  to Aunt Anna talk about her horses and livestock, then sat through Aunt Julie’s list of newly obtained possessions, gritting our teeth.  Then, once everyone had finished the males stood up, and the females cleared the table, just like Grandmother liked it.
Then, everyone gathered silently in the living room, and the tango intro began.
“Rose, my dear, you are forgetting something,” said Dan, projecting his voice, and using the quotes Uncle Samuel had given him.
“But Samuel, what on earth do you mean?” I asked, also using memorized quotes.
Dan took out the velvet box and pulled out a amulet with a heart-shaped pendant.  The pendant was black, and had diamonds outlining it.  In the very center of the heart was a red rose.
Dan clasped it around my neck, and our tango began.
“Flawless,” Dan said when we finished.  “And the best part is it’s over.”
I chuckled lightly.  “I’ll go get changed.”
“Yeah,” said Dan.  “And hurry, you’d hate to miss Aunt Julie’s gift.” He said this in a lower tone.
“I won’t be long.”
It took me no long at all to get out of that dress (mostly because I really wanted to).  Then I only had to grab my gifts and get going.
Most people say that Christmas is all about the gift-giving, and it’s mostly done for the kids.  Nana believed this, and this was they way it was done last year.  But this time, it was Grandmother’s turn, so the older people received their gifts first.
Everyone dug around in the pile for their present for Grandfather, and sat their gifts before him.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” Grandmother said as she counted the gifts.  “We’re missing one.”
Mine.
I came before my mother’s parents, and could have sworn I heard Aunt Julie mutter, “disgraceful” as I walked by.
“I’m sorry, Grandfather,” I said.  “I forgot.”
Grandmother seemed as though she was about to scold me, but Grandfather spokaye first.
“You’re forgiven,” he said softly.  “New York City is more than enough to lure one’s attention.  You’ll have to tell us more about that later.”
I nodded and returned to my stack of gifts, as Abby and Aly brought their gifts to Grandfather: a tie and a new comb set.  Then, my mother gave Grandfather an embroidered handkerchief, and Aunt Julie gave him a trip for two on a cruise.
Grandmother got a pearl necklace and matching earrings from Abby and Aly.  From my mother, she got a gift certificate to a hair stylist, and from Aunt Julie, she got a prepaid spa getaway.
Grandpa got a toupee made out of horse hair from Erl.  Dan got him a pair of sunglasses (quite useless in winter), and Uncle Joe gave him some homemade jam.  Dad gave him a day-pass to the restaurant.  Last was Uncle Samuel, who gave him a photo album.  Grandpa never talked much; his only word of thanks was a shake of his cane.
Nana got handpicked flowers from Erl, and a vase from Dan.  Uncle Joe gave her some bacon.  Dad gave her a blank book to write her traditions in, and Uncle Samuel gave her a music record.
Uncle Samuel got homemade maple syrup from Erl, the duct tape walled from me (to which he laughed), and a small, potted tree from Dan.  Uncle Joe gave him the first season of some TV show on DVD, and Dad gave him a gift certificate for the restaurant.
Uncle Billy (Aunt Julie’s husband) got some classy shoes from Abby and Aly, and a  new tie from Aunt Julie.  Usually, we only give gifts to blood relatives, so no one else gave him anything.
Most everyone else’s gifts were too pointless to mention, and boring.
Except the gifts to me.
Dan gave me a lump of coal (underneath which I found a note stating my real present would be given to me later).  Mom and Dad got me a new choose-your-own-ending book with over one-hundred possible endings.
Then came Aunt Julie’s gift…s.
“Here you are,” she said to me, but had nothing in her hands.
“Ma’am?”
“What is it, child?” she asked.
“Pardon me for saying so, but you haven’t given me anything.” I was aware that this sounded both rude and arrogant, and I was going to not mention it because it was Christmas, but her expression implied she expected me to say something.
“Forgiveness does not usually take form of material things, Monica.”
Yeah, she’s one to talk.
“Forgiveness, ma’am?”
“She’s relenting her punishment,” Aly explained, and when my confused expression did not change, Abby added, “You never did groom Sparkle.”
“Oh yeah.” I smiled weakly.  “Sorry about that.” That punishment had been put into effect so long ago, I had practically forgotten about it, and was not the slightest bit sorry for not going through with it.  But, again, it was Christmas.
I was about to tear into Uncle Samuel’s book-shaped gift, but Aunt Julie stopped me.
“Child, upper class people remember the importance of actual gifts to… children,” she said.
I assumed that “upper class people” was referring to her, and “children” was referring to me; I was not pleased by this, but… it was Christmas, and I decided it best, for the time being, to hold my tongue.
“Here you are,” she said again, but this time, she was holding something.  The package was rectangular, and for a moment, I was excited.  Then, I wasn’t. The book in the package was titled Etiquette for the Hopeless.  I gritted my teeth and thanked her for it, hoping Dan had gotten me something worthwhile.
And he did not disappoint me.  After everyone on my mother’s side had left, Dan took me upstairs, and handed me a rather large, rectangular package.
Inside the package, was a thick, leather-bound book.
“What is it?” I asked, as I stared blankly at the book.
“Oh, dang it!” Dan murmured.  “I forgot the padlocks and chains at home.  Here’s the pen, though.”  He took a pen from behind his ear that didn’t appear to have any ink in it, and handed it to me.  “It’s got invisible ink,” he added to my questioning look.
“So, does this book contain some huge secret I’m to discover?” I asked.
“Just yours.”
“But I don’t have any-”
“Ahem.”  Dan raised his eyebrows and gave a short nod, a sure sign that the answer was obvious if I would only use my brain.
“So, this is like a diary-type thing?” I guessed.
“Close enough,” Dan said, shrugging.  “Tomorrow we’ll go hang with The Guyz, and then I’ll give you the padlocks and chains.”
“Thanks.”  I smiled, finally remembering the way things used to be.
Just as I had almost lost myself in my memories - almost made myself believe things were as they once were - Dan reminded me that I was wrong.
“We should go downstairs.  Everyone’s dying to hear about Cabot’s and New York. Especially me.  But, of course, you can give me the juicy details later.”
“And what makes you think there are any juicy details to tell?” I asked.
He said nothing, but gave me him “you-know-that-I-know” look.
We went downstairs, where we found my dad, making wild gestures to Aunt Anna, Uncle Joe, and Uncle Samuel, as he rambled about how the restaurant was “absolutely booming”.  Erl had already fallen asleep.
“okay, look, they’ve finished upstairs!” Aunt Anna announce, clearly tired of my dad’s ranting.
Uncle Samuel smiled.  “Now, let’s hear all about New York.”
My dad’s mouth stopped dead in its tracks.  A look of disappointment spilled over his face, as he found that his audience had been stolen by his eleven-year-old daughter.
I kept my story very vague.  I mentioned Lee and Nick, but not the part about our rocky start.  I mentioned our teachers, but not Mr. Sankter, and definitely not Duke.  I left out the part that, for a while, I had been far worse than a misfit, and temporarily forgot about Leah oadebhor.
When I finished, I found everyone smiling at me, some sweetly, some kindly, and some with pride.
Maybe, just maybe, my family’s just as good as Lee's.