Mommy you don’t know me
and I’ll keep it that way
because if you knew me
I don’t know what you’d say.
I keep my secret
by telling little white lies.
It’s better then who am,
that person you would despise.
But what do you think I’m doing
when I’m locked up in my room.
I bet you’d never expect
I’m stepping closer to my doom.
So mommy you will never know
that I self harm.
I will never make you go through
that sense of alarm.
So as you stay oblivious
To what I really do
just listen when I say
“Mommy, I love you”
Author notes
Contest Shatter My Soul, Let My Heart Ache by Reaper-117
nanananananananananananana BATMAN!!
AshesFromFire
In a list
A contest entry
- The deepest darkest within by Taintednightengale.
450 points, ended May 24, 2007, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Speaking On Trembling Lips by FlipperSwitch.
600 points, ended July 2, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hurt by Stevie17Marie.
300 points, ended July 8, 2007, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I need to read something GOOD. by AutumnsFlame.
800 points, ended September 1, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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To be completely honest, this really didn't do anything for me. It was cliche and had no metaphors or imagery. I feel like I've read this before. A million times. It's not that it's a self-harm poem, because there are good self-harm poems. This is just not one of them (in my opinion). You also need to check your grammar.
"It’s better then who am,"
^This sentence does not make sense. You're missing an "I" and it's "than" instead of "then."
Thank you for entering my contest. -
I feel the same way.
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well written and surely something many of us can relate to. There is nothing quite so painful as realising that your parents hate who and what you are...
thanks for entering. -
This poem is so touching. Very sad. It's heartbreaking that so many people who do this really do conceal it from their parents because they don't want to hurt them, so they just remain silent as they continue to hurt themselves. :[
Great job on this, and thank you for entering it in my contest. -
A very deep and emotional write. The emotional side of this comes through very well, and makes it possible for readers to relate. The flow of this piece, however, is a bit choppy in places. But overall, this is a very well done piece.
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Great poem. As i read it i could imagine being in the spot, it actually took me back to the past i've tried so hard to push out. One part really stuck out among the rest and it was "I keep my secret
by telling little white lies.
It’s better then who am,
that person you would despise" That was powerful. I would like to wish you luck in my contest. (:*Perfectly Imperfect&*
Mashell Macabre
Rawr!SmileBabyPlz
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excellent youve shown the line between poetry and being emo, yours being poetic, its awesome, i cant think of something more....deserving to say, but yay thank you
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:'( Oh My Gosh this is prolly the most powerful poem i've ever read....Just readying the title and the end just makes me wanna cry....*hugs* this was a good and steady poem keep up the good work and i wish you luck in my contest
stevie
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That's really powerful, caused a shiver to climb my spine. I can relate to this piece so well- thank you for your entry!! Good luck in my contest.
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So Sad
This is a very sweet, but sad poem. I loved how you used "mommy" instead of mother or mom because it makes it sound more innocent.
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Ok, I like the start of this... but vs 2 line 3... "who am" doesn't seem to make sense, what did you mean? Also... 4th vs line 2 is a little short, it cuts deep into the flow. As for the content, it's truly beautiful, and the ending is so perfect. Some of the rhythm could be better... but this is just the first round, so no real need to worry about it (unless you think it'll keep you from advancing) Good luck, hope to get to see what theme you will pursue
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Hey I don't see your username in the authors box... I don't see an authors box. I started reading it before I realized that, and really want to finish reading it, but I can't until I see that username.
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SORRY
I put my name on! I completly spaced, sorry!
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Oh wow this touches mt heart as I have a teen and offen wonder what do I really know... A grandstand of a write ~
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Very intense
Thank you for sharing and for being a part of the contest -
interesting
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heya..this was a great write and i can relate to this..your words were strong, powerful and emotional as well..i can really relate to this so much keep writting your talented and good luck in the contest
~Chrissy~ -
Speechless
I guess being speechless when your trying to give someone an opinion is kinda self defeating, but thats what your work left me, i think that we put a lot of assumptions on others in order to maintain a barrier of protection, you never know your mom may not despise you, she may even have the solutions your own questions havent found, only you know your mom as you know your mom, i think it is admirable that you protect her at risk to your own health, but its not a long term solution, this work is to real to be a work of fiction, and i can only guess what triggered such extreme measures to deal with emotioanl issues, sometimes the path to peace leaves many by the wayside, and sometimes the journey isnt as fruaght with danger as we expect it to be.
Michael
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Oh yeah, that hit the heart
WOW! Lately I haven't heard one that would strike me to the core, but you did it... very powerful... I like the way you started off the poem... I can't tell my parents what I am like right now, because of their beliefs and the way that they see the world... I just see it differently... Thanks for sharing...
Peace...
DarkOne -
wow
I love this. its deep and powerfull and the last part almost mad eme cry. Im sorry you do what you do and you shouldnt because you are a good writer. I only had a few probs with some forced rhymeing , but everyone has to do that on occasion right? good job
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This is a really well written peice..
Its heart breaking to read as its so sad and full of emotion..
I can realte in some ways as I use to be the same,and in some cases i still am..
You have done an amazing job at writing this peice well done.. -
Wow I remember that all too well. As someone who did that I completely identify with it and thats about what goes through your head. Very good job
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This is really sad,good job.
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