Madness must have overtaken the mind,
that caused this woman to avail herself,
to common men of the very worst kind.
'Twould be best by far, to stay on the shelf.
Would that I had nayed, when my mouth did aye.
My own vile lips betrayed a mind of doubt,
when friend, now former, said what a great guy,
and my gut did tell me he was a lout.
Under-schooled, over fed, inbred nightmare,
his scratching of balls on my nerves still grates.
Beginning to end, at my breasts did stare,
pity for these were the best of his traits.
He's picking me up as the clock strikes nine
It's Saturday night and he'll do just fine.
Author notes
A comedic sonnet. A soliloquy.
A contest entry
- Soliloquy of Life by Daoine.
1175 points, ended July 11, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sonnets, sonnets, and more sonnets by RatherImaginative.
1925 points, ended September 8, 2007, 40 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write a villanelle, Sonnet or Ode that is not maudlin or erotic. by Lyndon.
800 points, ended October 22, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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A Romeo ~ Juliet Style love sonnet
updated, of course!
A fascinating write.
On behalf of the judging panel, I wish you success with this poem.
Lyndon.
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thanks.
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Hmmm interesting. Though I think you can do much better in taste of guys. Congrats on your honorable trophies.
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Ha! Fiction for the most part...can't say I haven't had a bad experience or two, though.
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Hello.
'that cause(d) this woman...'. 'Under(-)schooled'.
"nayed" is a very archaic form of a past tense verb. In its own way, the use is amusing here, I daresay.
"his(the) best of his traits".
A classical form of the English sonnet in rhyme alone.
It is an amusing piece.
Dr Derry.
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Thank you. I'm glad you found it amusing.
I've made the edits.
Question: Should it be over-fed? I always have trouble with hypenated words.
Luna
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I was reading along so seriously, watching mostly syllables and meter, when your 3rd stanza struck me, and I began to laugh hard. Oh gosh, if this was written from experience, you have my deepest sympathies, but what an excellent thing about which to wax poetic! I really enjoyed this. Thanks so much for entering my contest!
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Awwwee...the smell of desparate single and not so fresh meat. LOL. It's terrific and aweful a the same time..a good reminder to all to listen to their gut instead of the head.
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Wait, Find Fate's Date, Bind
Who blindly dates oft poorly mates - what mind
succumbs to madness, boredom, challenge vain,
among the common herd why seek again ?
Better far to wait, hope unresigned,
until that karmic date when unconfined
appreciation all doubts which remain
may be erased, - false phrase, frustration, pain,
away may fade as sharing, underlined
by selflessness, implicit trust, touch kind,
tenderness disinterested reign.
Where ignorance turns nightmare why complain
when repeated errors grate ? Love's blind !
Breast timeless waves until safe harbour's signed
in berth, rebirth, where happiness won't wane.
Stop clocks, no fox, no rabbit, goal, nor ploy,
From rocks redeemed, unlock soul's door for joy... -
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I thank you for this wonderful comment on my silly sonnet.
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You are so terrible in such a hilarious and funny way.
That is one funny funny sonnet.
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I'm might have to start calling you the sonnet master or the comedy queen or both. Excellent yet ugly imagery. Totally in-tune rhyme and rhythm. Excellent twist at the end. You frikkin' rock doll.
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Richly entertaining. Hmmmm. It has a familiar ring.
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This is so cool! A sonnet in perfect form that's funny. I love it! Your flow is fluid and in perfect iamb and you paint a vivid image. Well done!
Love,
Amera
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LMAO.
Oh how we surely can pick 'em.
This is hilarious.. What a excellent comedic sonnet
I think after a few Saturday night dates like this that shelf looks mighty inviting..
lol
Love your humor side!
I wish you all the best in the contest!!
Linda
Ps.. this is when we hear our Mother's voice in the back of our heads.. or is that our natural instinct we just don't act upon...hmmmmmm I wonder..
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HAAAAAAAAAAA.....
Love it ............. LTF . I am a "twited end" kind of guy , heh heh. You really got this one going for ya. I do love reading your work.
So now I'm done
Will be no fun
'Til I get horny
For a little porny
poet -
Great sonnet. Well done. Good luck in the contest and good luck on Saturday night
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"when friend, now former, said what a great guy..." LMAO ! This was soooo funny. It unfortunately sends you to reminisce about those horrifying times of blind dates that your "friend" tricked you into going on. But knowing that he/she would never date that person!! lol!! Wonderful job!! Hope you win!!
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A comedic sonnet indeed!
I'm still laughing, and still crying, for I remember when I made the same mistakes myself! Instead of going out with "ms. available", I should have waited for the one who really captured my eye, but I had been to shy to ask out...
Ah, well, dry your eyes and shake hands with your "date" when the night is through, and resolve to get up in the morning with a new outlook...and I'm not talking about "outlook express" either, LOL!
Never trust a man who's eyes won't move above your shoulders, but always trust a man that looks you straight in the face, allowing you to see what is in his face as well...
Have fun, Beautiful,
Brazos
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LOLOLOL, OMG I have dated a few like this, good one!! I love how you used the couplet at the end for this most excellent punchline Have fun, I will give you the phone call through with a made up emergency if you want to end it early
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Oh, horrid wench,
Thou dost wrest the heart out of my chest.
At least I came in some sort of dress
My normal attire is none at all
Then you can see where I scratch my ...
Well written sonnet of humor.
I'm with Whoochi, well if I was we wouldn't have to worry about Saturday night.
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LOL....crap I would be better off alone on a Saturday night then go out with creeps like this...Had too many a Saturday night such as this, splendid take on it...LOL "scratching his balls..."
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