(I)
I planted you a rose garden
but you didn't stay to enjoy it.
I wrote you a poem
but you've forgotten how to read it.
I sang you a love song
but you couldn't stand to hear it
I love you like oxygen
and I simply can't bear it.
(II)
In the summer, I planted you a rose garden
but autumn withered it away.
From the petals, I made you summer's perfume
which winter could never steal away.
In the snow, I built us an icy shelter
but these cold bricks melted when the spring came.
In April, beneath the showers, I screamed for you
and for the scent of roses flooding the air again.
(III)
My rose garden has crumbled
beneath the palms of winter's frost.
The velvet veins of these fragile petals
Are trodden into dirt now lost.
Beneath this hard cracked soil are seeds:
some essence to bring you back to me.
I will wait patiently for sun and rain
to cultivate our rose garden, once again.
Author notes
Just some things that I'm messing about with in my head. Nowehere near a poem yet but I'm too lazy to start scribbling on paper - this is a work in progress.
What do you think the rose garden is symbolic for?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Great
I have avoided commenting on this poem so far though I understand it completely.
I can't comment so won't ever!
It (the poem) is fine as it is...... and the reader will either understand it or not understand it per sai!...................
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just one improvement...
"but you couldn't stand hear it"
should be
"but you couldn't TO stand hear it"
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Lmao. Thanks. Nobody else noticed, including me
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I cant wait for the finished piece, coz I really can't think of it sounding any better. I love that picture.Did u notice how big the rose is that the background quite looks irrelevant but yet again, if the snow wasn't there, it wouldn't carry so much meaning?
I donnoh if I'm making sense at all, but I love the way you wrote this.Great style and the comparisons are amazing,I just love the way it sounds and the fact that sometimes it really gets to us when we do amazing things for people but they never get 2 know about it.
This could make some great lyrics for a song...those words make me wanna hug you, coz it creates this picture of a cold winter and feeling lost with no one to laugh with orsit by the fire with.Its painful.Very painful.
Before I bore you, I just want you to know that I loved this first part so much:
(I)
I planted you a rose garden
but you didn't stay to enjoy it.
I wrote you a poem
but you've forgotten how to read it.
I sang you a love song
but you couldn't stand hear it
I love you like oxygen
and I simply can't bear it.
Great!
P.S: I didn't know anyone loved oxygen, I thought we just couldn't do without it!...or is that how lovely it is?...lol
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I like
I think your work on this one is finished. It is perfect just the way you have penned it. Personally, I wouldn't change a single thing! sweet
POETDONTKNOWIT -
I had to laugh when I read the part about singing a love song and [she] could not stand to hear it. It made me think of a really bad singer
Oxygen is something we take for granted until we are deprived of it, so I thought that was an interesting way to show that you had taken this person for granted until recently.
The rest of it is a bit obcessive. I think it could be tightened up quite a bit. -
unique n touching
I loved the title of the piece and the picture...the actual poem did not dissapoint either...very different and beautiful...i could picture it all in my mind very vividly... i especially liked
"The velvet veins of these fragile petals
Are trodden into dirt now lost." -
Great piece! I really love this. You wrote it so beautifully. I like how you have a rose garden sybmolizing a crumbling relationship. Excellent job
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