I was ready for Him
to return as planned,
to save all the sinned.
He must have missed the bus.
Got down on my knees
(best position, they say)
beseeched and repented all night;
but it was Monday, and
they told me He only listens
tuesday to thursday.
in the meantime I guess
there's a discount on Rapture
at the local mall
you can experience the
second cumming
in a bathroom stall
get ready for Him
amongst lipstick smears
and scribbled numbers
obscenities carved public;
scream His name in fornicating bliss
like a child setting things on fire for attention
Author notes
(even if He could listen
I doubt He would care.)
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - Culture: Religion, Society and Politics by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I think this is a satirical look at religion from the aspect of a disillusioned person. It appears to me to reflect someone who believes in God and openly welcomes him into their life yet they do not ‘feel his presence’ around them even though they want it in their daily life. He eludes them. I feel the second half of the poem relates to the many times when we visit shopping malls, there are people there, often aided by megaphones, who preach that we should all welcome the Lord into our lives because ‘Jesus loves us’ and came to save us from our sins. I think this also refers to how religion plays its part in modern society where principles and morals are lower in standard than they used to be. This is my interpretation of this poem and I think it expresses cynicisms that many other people might also feel. For a negative view of religion I think this poem states its case quite well.
Thank you for your entry into the Raven Contest 2007
Northern Raven
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I really do not know what to say about this write. I am not good with cynical write. There are some misspelled words.If I notice them they are pretty obvious. I feel it needs some work. The flow was not as smooth as it should be. The content is cynical. To be truthful it confuse me.
The ; usually comes after a list. We do not take off for them. I have ask another judge to review this so it fair.
Maybe it just me. Sometime another can read something and get the point I missed. I feel after some work it can be a very good write. These are my feelings. I have ask for help. I want ever one to feel they have been treated fairly. -
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Thank you. I'm sorry you did not relate to my poem as other people seem to have. I do not expect everyone to share my views, and thusly to expect everyone to perfectly understand and enjoy my work is, regrettably, an impossible and rather naive wish.
However, if you're referring to the word 'cumming' as being a mistake, I would like to kindly point out that it is a play on words, referring both to the 'coming of Christ' and also the slang word for orgasm, to 'cum'. If you could kindly point out my other spelling mistakes, I would be happy to correct them, since personally I am a fan of proper grammar.
Also, as a last note, if I may refer to the almighty Wikipedia:
'In English, the semicolon has two main purposes:
It binds two sentences more closely than they would be if separated by a full stop/period. It often replaces a conjunction such as and or but. Writers might consider this appropriate where they are trying to indicate a close relationship between two sentences, or a 'run-on' in meaning from one to the next; they might not want the connection to be broken by the abrupt use of a full stop.'
Though you are quite correct in your understanding of semi-colons as they are used in the context of lists, I must state that their useage in my poem is acceptable.
Perhaps not perfect, but acceptable.
Again, thank you for spending time reviewing my poem.
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Hahahaha! i love this!!! such cynical disillusionment with both "sides," (if you can call them that), expressed brilliantly. scornful, funny, cutting, and thought-provoking. great write!
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I really dig the idea of this. Actually I just love how you tied all this together. The theme presented could let the reader draw many conclusions. Good work.
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