suspicion,
hot, suspended,emit, hidden exhale,its smolder ,breathless awakenobscure
In a list
A contest entry
- ~~~Tickle the muses #2~~~ by phoenixonfire.
300 points, ended May 21, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetic Trinity by JM Kenyon.
1400 points, ended May 24, 2007, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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When I stumbled onto this poem, the first thing I thought was that it's been a long time since I bumped into a cinquain on here
but then I noticed you had 3 syllables in first line 
Not sure if you wanted it to be a cinquain or not?
Otherwise, cinquain follows a syllable pattern: 2-4-6-8-2 -> and you have here 3-4-6-8-2.
Anywho, I'm blabbing
I think you've got quite some strong words in here, and that's well done!
Keep it up!
Leander -
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Thiank u
thank u for the wonderful sentiments given to my poem. But this not a cinquain it is a diamente form.
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wow. Very few words with such a impact.
You left me speechless.
Thank you.
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thank u
Thank u for the wonderful sentiments given to my poem. Haley27
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This was a good poem, Haley. I loved how you made it easy to read and it was easy to comment on. I enjoyed it. It takes a good while to get down to the commenting area on this poem, though, so I guess that makes up for how short the poem is.
ROCK ON, and KEEP IT UP! -
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thank u
thank u for the comments and the wonderful critique given on my poem here. Haley27
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Both your rhyme and free verse come through very strong. I guess your form to be a cinquain:
suspicion,
hot, suspended,
emit, hidden exhale,
its smolder ,breathless awaken,
obscure
First, suspicion has 3 syllables. I like the train of thought in the form and that it is used to get the topic rolling, however I think there is at least a minimal need for linking words for the sake of clarity, without the latter parts I may not have understood the cinquain.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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Thank u
Thank u for the trophy and the gracious critiques on my poetry. I'm glad u liked the poem. Haley27
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Interesting idea there, combining the three different styles under one concept.
Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. 
Hetohke'e 
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congrats on the shiney x cheeky x
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Its great, you bring out different styles and the different themes within so well.I really enjoyed it.I've never read something like this here.I'm glad I came across your poem.
Bravo! -
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Thank u
I'm glad u liked the poem in its entirety. Thank u for stopping by and commenting. Haley27
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space
its very provocative. i like it. its darker to me for some reason. makes me think think a kiss. or a lie. or a combonation of the two maybe. the type of thing that happens in a dying relationship or an afair. passionate beautiful and dangerous. or maybe i do too much drugs. i dunno. ha =]
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interesting, very different and powerful in the sense that even all the blank space on this page and the location of your words seem to be symbolic
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It is obscure but then it conjures up all sorts of emotions and feelings, I like that in a piece, gives the reader plenty to think about. Love, C
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You know..the way you've worded it makes me wonder what you were thinking about. because it could be fire or a kiss among another few things that i thought of. and then the "suspicion" part changes that a lil. and then metaphorical vs literal..you give the reader a loottt to wonder about..regardless, great job..it leaves the reader thinking and wondering. great write!! never read anything so vague yet incredible before. GJ!
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"suspicion,
hot, suspended,
emit, hidden exhale,
its smolder ,breathless awaken,
obscure"
everyone reads things differently, and due to our differences, perceives it as something different...which is understandable...but to me, it sounds like a kiss....i kiss where someone is asleep, and the other person wakes the first with a kiss...cause when that happens, its almost startling to wake up unable to breath, but then you realize..its a good thing, something you'd never push away....i don't know i could be far off...but either way..its very beautiful -
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ur right
Understandable kiss that lingers like smoke, but once u take the breath it is all gone in smoke. I hoped u liked. Haley27
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wow... just... wow... amazing...
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Makes me wonder what you were thinking about as you typed these words.
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An interesting composition you have created with these words - each of us might interpret this in a different way - liked it.
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thank u
This can be interpreted they way u might feel one day, and then it is all gone like the poem says. Thank u for commenting. Haley27
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I am sure this will have nothing to do with your intentions, and that is ok because we all read things differently. I saw myself holding my breath unobserved until someone had left the setting of the poem. Only then could I breath and 'emit'. That is why it is a hidden exhale to me. I am unseen and that is what makes this write for me personally. RC
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Thank u
I'm glad this poem means alot to u. When I wrote this I just came up from my lust for my husband and in blink of an eye it disappeared like cloud of smoke. Thank u for comments and critiques given here. Haley27
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Very Beautiful
All I can say is that it is very beautiful. You wrote it really well. I loved the single words, it makes it different from the average poem around. Keep it up!
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Very powerful write in an unusual style, but liked it. Found myself imagining I was short of breath when I read it and then realised that it had had that effect on me - weird. Well done. Julie.
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LOVELY ABSTRACTNESS! I totally like the randomness in the work yet the link that all the words have here! This is a very strong and a deep write ! One can tell by reading the first word!! Deep imagery!!
Thanks for entering and good luck!
hugs n kisses
preets
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Thank u
I ponder to ur contest and thought I would enter and never thought I would win. Thank u, so much. Haley27
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you left me speachless! i like the way you write and hope to read more of other things you end up writing.
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Thanks
I'm glad you liked my poem. I get inspired by these wonderful poets at these site. Thanks so much for the great critique given here. Haley27
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this is deep!!!
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I love how you made the poem seem as though you were running short of breath, which relates to the title. It is interesting what such images can inspire, and I am in awe of this write. The image created through your detailed writing seems to add more to the picture that the contest is based upon. Keep up the great work, good luck, and thanks for sharing!
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Thank u
I'm proud to be inspired. I luv the gracious critique given here. Thank u so much. Haley27
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