Click to play sound: CricketAuthor notes
In a list
A contest entry
- Back to Basics Haiku by azure85.
790 points, ended June 6, 2007, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Insects && Instruments by Epilogue.
900 points, ended December 16, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I can't be sure but I think that you might mean "acappella"?
Obviously a great write as you've placed as an honorable winner so congratulations on this.
Bandaid. -
very cute and amusing because the a makes it seem like cappella is its own thing, especially without the quotes. Not sure why they were added. Excellent little haiku, though. All the best in the contest!
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Thanks for these comments, EA. The quotes were suggested to me so that the "a" of a cappella was not read as an article--I don't know if they're really needed myself just to make that distinction though.
Thanks for mentioning, and I'll give it more thought for sure!
Jo -
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yes, it humorous without them but loses the humor if they are added. If someone doesn't know what a cappella is, they miss the joke.
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Yes, I think you're right...The quotes just add too much emphasis to make it somehow seem to explain.
I'll post revision without...Thank you so much for the helpful advice, EA!!!
Jo
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Hi Jo,
Yep, I like this very, very much! It's great when haiku combines sound and sight, which is something I have yet to master in this form. This is really a trivial thing, but that second line...what about "crickets sing" instead of "cricket sings" ? The only reason I suggest it is because as it is now, my mind wants to insert the word "a" before cricket, which doesn't go so well with L3. Also, I think of a cappella choirs more than solo singers, but maybe that is just me.
Good luck in the contest; either way, this really is wonderful! 
Best wishes,
~J.
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Thank you for these comments, Trista and you did leave me thinking as to the "cricket sings" line. I wanted to make it seem as though this was the last cricket of the season, or at least the last cricket of the season without a girlfriend, but I know what you sensed in the reading of this line. I changed it up a bit to "cricket refrain," and I'm hoping it reads smoother yet still gives it that sense of solitude.
Thanks again for your helpful and wonderful comment!
Jo
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Thank you for entering our workshop.
harvest moon
cricket sings
a cappella
(5/20/07)
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harvest moon
cricket sings
"a cappella"
(5/24/07)
I like this haiku very much. I personally know what a hsrvest moon looks like, but do you think it would enhance this haiku if you created an image of the harvest moon rather than stating that it is a harvest moon? Just something to think about. -
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Hi Polly! Aside from "Harvest Moon" being a song title that I want to keep intact as to the cricket singing, I don't know what else to add to make an image of it. It would feel almost redundant to add more description to this kigo-moment as it's well-known as a full moon phase in late summer/early autumn.
I'll keep thinking on it and I do appreciate your comments. Thank you!
Jo
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I'm Singing too!
This was delightful!
One of my favorites is Harvest Moon sung by Casandra Wilson... You are alwos one of my favorites! Jane
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Thank you so much for these comments, Jane...I really appreciate.
You already know you're my all-time all-the-time favorite!
Jo
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maybe 'a capella' ought to be in quotes - to indicate the the 'a' isn't an article.
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Hi Alan...I think you're right, and the edit has been made. Thanks!!!
Jo
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harvest moon
cricket sings
a capella
I've come back to this Jo having read Maya's comment.
Without the caesura I do not see personification as it can read 'harvest moon cricket sings - 'a capella' or 'harvest moon - cricket sings 'a capella'.
Of course there can be discussion about crickets 'singing' but I think it is a general reference to the noise they make.
It could also read
harvest moon -
crickets sing
a patella
and then of course it would be true as they do use their kneecaps to make the sound
Alan
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Thanks for coming back around to this post, Alan. I'm thinking the same thing for personification...I think it's allowed in haiku so long as the personification doesn't go over-the-top.
Great suggestion for "revision!"
Jo
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Beautiful
Ilike the imagery here Jo. I always admired ur poetry from afar hope to be good friends. Good luck in the contest if u don't need it. Kendhal22 -
harvest moon
cricket sings
a capella
Lovely, but do I sniff a bit of personification? "Cricket sings a capella", that's what my students do, singers and musicians. BTW, I like personification and I'm mad when they say I mustn't use it in haiku writing. -
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Hi May...Gosh, I didn't even think of "personification" when it came to the cricket singing...It just felt as birds singing or a spider weaving.
I'll try working with something else, even leaving the verb off this haiku altogether, yet without "sings" or "song," L2 doesn't feel to move the haiku along. I do want to keep "harvest moon" both as the image and song title intact, as well as the "a capella" as the presumably the last cricket now singing solo in this change of season. If you have any ideas, lemme know...???
Jo
P.S.: It may also be that the judges are not as heavy-handed in the way of personification--I can hope.
I know my first haiku to these contests I was writing about "fingers of wind" and "sun licking icy branches," etc. and I've come to realize those type images were over-the-top human-like. I've read plenty haiku where a snowman grins, the moon does have face, etc. which allow a simply stunning haiku.
Somehow I'm thinking it may not out-of-line in this contest for matters of birds singing, spiders weaving, etc., so long as it's not over the top...but I dunno. I'll see how it goes unless to sense something better to the image, but thank you for bringing this to light to me. I appreciate your comments.
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Didn't think Buddy's band did 'Harvest Moon' - thought it was Neil Young
Darn - now I can't get Peggy Sue out of my head.
Neatly constructed Jo
Alan
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I was thinking Neil Young's song, which is why the first line is italicized, but after these comments, Alan, I hearing Jiminy Cricket! LOL
Thanks for your comments always!
Jo
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Welcome to Back to Basics!
Ha-when I saw moon in the title, you knew I would go look!
harvest moon
cricket sings
a capella
This is really cute, the soloist! I like this alot, see what Polly says when he comes by later. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
Susie -
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Yeah, I know about you and the moon, Susie...I go back to those full moon ( Y ) days--Remember???
I hate the fact I'm writing harvest moon haiku before summer break/summer vacation time, but it's been one of those things in my notebook since last autumn...
Thanks for running this contest...They are always such fun and inspiration for me.
Jo
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