He doesn't feel pain;
I feel it like rain.
Open your eyes
Let me spit in them.
How shall I go about
Offing myself?
Shall I drive my own brain
To madness?
Let me leave a note
In my swirling hand.
Lawless love is
Contraband.
Play my vicious heartstrings
As I wish I could grow
Wings to fly above
And let you go.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I liked this - you've done a good job of not making your rhymes appear too forced. I must admit, however, the second stanza doesn't seem to fit in with the rest, perhaps due to the lack of the rhyming that appears in the others.
Your use of 'vicious heartstrings' brings about interesting trains of thought. It's an adjective not usually used to describe what is normally thought to be more like ribbons or spider silk, but it conjures a different feel for the poem and adds to the overall effect in a pleasing mannner. -
plays out a bit like hatred to me
..but feels like a silent film..??
to be honest
I dont get what I say either
but good write
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