Hair covers your face
I just lost my trace
A gust reveals beauty
I lost you within an ace
A deeply disturbed mind
Would you leave me behind?
You just blow me away
I served my feelings on a tray
I loved, laughed and teased
I'm the one who always felt pleased
You gave your heart away
I always longed for sway
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I liked the first two stanzas, but the last one just did not flow for me, it did not fit with the first two, this is my opinion, but keep on writing
Jen -
It almost felt as if the rhyme was forced to fit the image and message of the poem. The words don't seem to flow quite so fluidly here or perhaps it's just me. I dunno. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to you. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use.
♥ Touchof1der -
"I always longed for sway "<--what do you mean by you long for sway? anyways, the poem was sad, but I like it. awesome job.
love always and forever, marissa rae
~*~theXmadXhatter~*~
Adding your comment:
