stuck in a line or lost in a maze
stranded on a silent stage
the rocking boat has sprung a leak
vice is strongest in the weak
diving head-on into time
everyone's looking for that exit sign
unprepared for the major test
trying to decide which evil is best
cowering from a needless dread
lying sleepless in the bed
pain that shaves the minutes fine
everyone's looking for that exit sign
memories that don't erase
coming in last in the big race
love that turns to cold deceit
trying to stand up in defeat
everyone who lives will die
the cherry red glow of the exit sign
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I felt compelled to sing it. Would love to hear it to music. Wonderful diction; nothing sounds forced. A smooth ride all the way through.
Love your author page and everyone on it!
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Great poetic form here, the flow is wonderfully done as is the way it gets the mind working. Almost as if the clock is ticking, following you through it. Bravo!
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Its been far too long since I've had the pleasure, Jen. I am never disappointed by your poetry- and always a little amazed and intrigued (if not envious).
Always feeling a little less than perfect- a girl about my height relates very much to a lot of your writes- this does read like lyrics and what a fantastic sense of rhythm you have.
I'm off to pig out on more of your poetry- all the while, looking for that exit sign....
Good stuff.
~Tilly
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Okay. I am first looking at content with some ambiguities:
I see the 'signs' of detour:
.." lost in the maze"
" sprung a leak"
.." lying sleepless..."
My favorite:
"pain that shaves the minutes fine" Yes. I get that. Right brainers do that.
Observing is a gift, right? I see that the thread is a continuance, a lead way.
Interesting. Sometimes I think I'm the only one
who sees that.
"Voyeur, make yours mine
as sanity is hidden wine;
plead the case, affirm thine" m o i. yes.
love that turns to cold [deceipt]-- did you mean "deceit?"
Terrific. I'm a sponge.
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Thanks for the kind comment, and spotting my typo!
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This sound so much like it could be a hit song. Great stuff.
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Holy Moly!!
*drops*
I think each time I read Your verses I am dropping drinks left and right
This is one Powerful verse and in rhyme with a beat might I add
Wow!!
Just keep that ink flowing~~
Loved this piece full of emotion~ gave me much
to think about...
Many blessings to You!
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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