An angel sits upon a star
Her silhouette all aglow
Tears rolling gently down her face
As she sees that down below
Another war has started
More death will surely come
As she watches each side fill
Bullets into their guns
The angel sits upon her star
Faded halo in her hand
She tries to find a reason for
But just cannot understand
Where did all this hate come from?
That causes so much pain
And why do they ignore the past?
To make the same mistakes again
The angel sits upon the star
Wings sheathed behind her back
Contemplating the righteous things
That mankind below does lack
She counts them on her fingers
But soon runs out of those
So moves swiftly onto counting
On her angelic toes
The angel sighs upon her star
Not quite knowing what to do
As her world full of hypocrisy
Tears itself in two
She ran out of toes and fingers
A long, long time ago
And as the futile wars continue
The strain begins to show
The angel stands upon her star
Though not for very long
Before she jumps and falls forever
To right all mankind’s wrongs
She gave her life so selflessly
So once more man could be free
Though soon enough the wars resume
And so does her misery
The people fight upon the Earth
They will never realise
That, once, for their happiness
An angel gave her life
They’ll continue as before
Like they always will
We’ll never see an end to war
And they are fighting still...
Author notes
Hope you all like it. Nice comments or constructive comments always welcomed
I hope this fits into the contest
"Beautiful Tragedies"
Option 1
In a list
- VIII. Trophies II: Bronze • next in list
- VIII. Trophies I: Honourable Mentions • next in list
- II. Angels • next in list
- VI. My Favourites • next in list
- III. Dark • next in list
A contest entry
- For everyone I Love by Never Fall in Love.
600 points, ended June 24, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tales Untold by Sokarjo.
1200 points, ended June 20, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Shot Down Angel by Dead Hair.
450 points, ended July 28, 2007, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help me make my userpage BEAUTIFUL by Fairies on Fire.
520 points, ended August 7, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hiding Your Wings. by November-Dani.
550 points, ended December 22, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Awww how beautifuly sad. Such a touching message. Well done. Thank you for entering my contest.
Dani. -
Yes. ;)
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Loving this even more at second reading.
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Thank you for entering, and good luck. Matt
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Yep I liked and congrats on all the trophys dont ya think you deserve gold know
Good luck in the second chance at gold contest
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Lovely poem! Your rhyming is quite nice and the structure was done very well. Good luck!
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Intriguing write ...
and you've handled the personification well.
Thanks for entering the contest. I see you've done well in a number of others. Congrats.
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a really original take on an overdone war theme...thank you for breathing fresh life into it! the rhythm is right on....well done, there's nothing i hate more that poorly done rhyme and rhythm patterns but this is great! i love the repeats of 'sit upon a star' it makes it really stark when in the last verse she isn't sitting on it anymore....
well done take care xxx -
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Wow, thank you for your really great comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Good luck with your contest and take care x
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I like that the angel has a 'faded halo' and that mankind 'ignores the past to make the same mistakes again'. You really expressed the selfless quality of an angel well here, and I love that even after all she's seen. The angel is still somewhat of an innocent. Well done with this, I'm sure The Shot Down Angel would love it as much as I did!
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I'm looking at the comments below,
Where you replied to some people, it says 'Anonymized'
haha, anonymized my arse
First, let me burst out what I wanted to say the first time I read this.
I am completely IN LOVE with your title.
I feel so ... gosh, I love it.
And, angels, I remember how much you loved them.
Well, I gotto say that you went pretty good into this.
I liked the fact that the angel is always on the star, you describe her feelings and her helplessness.
It gives so much imagery that I can't even begin to describe.
The angel sits upon the star
Wings sheathed behind her back
Contemplating the righteous things
That mankind below does lack
She counts them on her fingers
But soon runs out of those
So moves swiftly onto counting
On her angelic toes
That one stanza gave the most innocent feeling of the angel. It's very visible that you can see a small cute angel running out of fingers and moving to her toes.
The whole poem was brilliant. I surely wasn't expecting anything dealing with war, but its a fact that some of us just refuse to see. Thousand's of people are dying because someone hates another country, it's simply ridiculous!
Great poem on the whole,
Keep it up,
Love ya bro,
NeveR ♥
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Thanks for this great entry. The story is so true and sad. Perhaps someday, eh?
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Yeah, men will never stop fighting and the angels will always cry. History has proven it too many times, and nothing ever seems to change. I don't know what it's going to take. Maybe an alien invasion like in Independence Day so for once it's earthlings versus aliens instead of this nation versus that nation. The sky could be falling and human beings would only see the ground in front of them.
And why do they ignore the past?
To make the same mistakes again.
My answer would be - because by the time they have any wisdom, they're old and tired and nobody wants to listen to them. There is a constant supply of young, foolish men brimming with testosterone and the desire for glory, with women and fathers to impress with their strength - the simplest kind. And there are always plenty of hateful old men who know how to take advantage of the young, so the folly repeats generation after generation, forever. Aside from that, there will always be legitimate reasons to fight - like madmen killing their own people, hoping nobody will ever stop them.
Your intelligence is refreshing, especially from one so young. It doesn't surprise me that you're from England. The American educational system has failed and continues to fail young people nationwide. So a lot of them are turning to gangster rappers for English lessons. Thank your lucky stars you were born there.
Have a great weekend.
Mark Rickerby
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i like this a lot sorry i cant leave a longer comment i g2g but good luck!
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the idea is cool, vert creative, i like it. its an interesting story to read, and nicley written.
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Thank you for your comment x take care x
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this was good. loved the idea of it and the first stanza was a fabulous intro into the poem.
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Thank you x
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Mmm. I reall like this, it's so pretty and structured and nice. I just think that it'd seem more uniform if you changed it all to 'her star' instead of switching back and forth. Otherwise...really like this.
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Thank you for your comment and applause it means a lot x take care x
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Soooo beautiful, it just had to have been written by an Angel, sitting upon a star...
"She counts them on her fingers
But soon runs out of those,
So moves swiftly onto counting
On her angelic toes"...absolutely my favorite lines. Great insight and so realistically written, as I am sure this is exactly how saddened the angels must be by the actions of mankind.
( I think the angel whispered his thoughts to you)
sincerely,
xxxooo, sassy
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