I remember all the times we used to
Dance together in the October wind
As the old sunset cast shadows on us
I remember both of us laughing together
Now all that remains is the echo
Of the cold October wind that blew
And the haunting October song we sang
With the memories lingering in the cold air
Remember how we used to shrug away
All the countless warnings they gave us
We took our time together for granted
Until you really moved away forever
Life was never the same after that day
I kept looking into your boarded up house
Through the grimy windows and the key hole
Seeing not a shadow of you or hearing your laugh
You left the day we met- did you realize
The next October I was all alone- so cold
Wishing you were still there holding me
Singing the soft October song all alone
A contest entry
- Give Me Something Special by Cherry.Cyanide.
500 points, ended June 26, 2007, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me cry, laugh, and wish for more by dreamfinder.
520 points, ended October 19, 2007, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Pain and rememberance are realised very well in the wording and the flow in this piece, it is like word given to a sad daydream of reminiscence, like a regretful sigh.
Good write and congrats on bronze.
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Well this was very heart touching. Your feelings showed well. Good luck
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Wow!
This poem is amazing! Its so powerful! I really liked it and also i could relate to it. Losing some one you had a special conection with. It has alot of meaning and emotion. I enjoyed reading it. You have done a great job you should be proud of yourself!
Take Care
Countrychick06
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Good read. The progression from one line, from one thought to another, was great. Your description of your love and the depth of your pain made me feel it. Your expression was wonderfully dark. Keep writing.
“The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--that's all."--Lewis Caroll
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Very sweet and sad. I enjoyed the empty, boarded up house idea. Good job.
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This piece is kind of dadrk, but beautiful. It has a haunting feeling. I enjoyed reading it very much, great work!
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Oh, this strikes a chord with me, I had a Love I thought would last forever, we had grand plans, we had dreams, she turned her back on me last October, Now I think I'm gonna go cry...Scott
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"Now all that remains is the echo
Of the cold October wind that blew
And the haunting October song we sang
With the memories lingering in the cold air"
i thought that was absolutely beautiful. As was the rest of the poem to be honest. It was haunting, and one of the few submissions that actually captured what it is I'm after.
It's always interesting in contests like this when you take a song title and get someone to write what comes to their head. I saw this as a tragic "what happened next" from the actual song (a rather lovely piece by bif naked) and I was incredibly impressed.
Just 2 things I have to point out, which is nothing major.
1. There is a word that I asked for in the author box and
2. can you also throw your name in there as well for me?
thanks very much, good luck and I shall comment again
xx -
a good poem, a sad sigh floating all the way through, ah life, it is cruel to us at times, friends flitter away on sad waves.
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