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CHILL {Haiku}

 

 

Winters biting chill

 

Icy breath kisses the land ~

 

Freezing life itself

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Pease dont use my name, this is an anonymous contest.
Thank you

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9
  • Bruce silver member
    February 9
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    I like this one. I can feeeeel thee chiilll!


  • Autumn Whisper
    September 7, 2008

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    This is just like your other 'chill' haiku, but I loved both. Another haiku creating such beautiful imagery, well done Sue. Keep it up.
    best wishes as always
    Autumn Whisper


  • Girl With Guitar silver member
    June 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Another great entry by you. I like this one better than the last I just read, but both are still great. Again, am sorry that this didn't place.

    Bandaid.


  • Pollycheck
    May 24, 2007

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    Thank you for entering our workshop.

    Winters biting chill
    Icy breath kisses the land ~
    Freezing life itself

    I think that both Susie and Tishu have given you some very good suggestions. it is also not necessary to title a haiku. Normally the first line is substituted for the title. Be very careful not to use any metaphors or personifications in you haiku as the haiku is not suppose to contain any poetis devices. Capitalization is normally not used in a haiku.


  • azure85 gold member
    May 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Welcome to Back to Basics!

    A winter haiku:

    Winters biting chill
    Icy breath kisses the land ~
    Freezing life itself


    Tishu is correct, your haiku contains statements and not images. Can you show us how this is happening? (and I think winters should be winter's) Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.

    Susie


  • Tishu
    May 21, 2007

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    Winters biting chill
    Icy breath kisses the land ~
    Freezing life itself

    This is effectively a nice piece of narrative describing the writers feelings of winter and are explanations not images.
    Haiku should enable the reader to enjoy 'the moment' (a concrete observation) as the writer enjoyed it, unencumbered by emotions or opinions.

    Is there any way that you could 'show' the effects of coldness other than by 'telling'?

    Alan


  • Blueskywonder
    May 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ANOTHER VIVID PIECE WITH EXCELLENT IMAGERY
    PAINTING A DESCRIPTIVE PICTURE OF WINTERS CHILL.
    WELL DONE AND THANKYOU FOR SHARING.


  • Myao
    May 20, 2007

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    Divine

    I love haiku, you've no idea. They make me all giddy, and this one was quite good. You kept the western version of Haiku quite well without making the poem sound forced at all.

    Interesting use of the tilde though.


  • shuvi
    May 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very beautiful again! wonderful imagery!
    keep the pen rolling, lots and lots of love and cheers, shuvi

1 - 9 of 9