Today you become a woman
they confirmed,
as I was slapped on the back
and thrust into the arms
of a rusty, cold chair.
For hours,
A rat-faced kid
told me the proper ways
to utilize my life
(human kind deserves me)
--he cheated on his math exam.
I was given paper hormones,
the written notification
of my woman-hood
and with a sleepy hand-shake
I was old.
And as I plowed my way,
from the throng of fresh adults,
I peaked under my robe
to determine if my boobs had grown
at all.
They were the same as they were two hours ago.
Author notes
I graduated today and I don't feel old at all. It was possibly the most boring ceremony of my life--and i'm no more of an adult for it. ( 50$ richer though.) You don't need a ceremony to become an adult...or for your parents to realize that 'hay! you're not short anymore!'
Please take my cat with you
Comments
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A very witty and caustic commentary on a very outdated 'rites of passage' ceremony. The cheating valedictorian was really funny, and I liked the way you dismissed any notions that what is a celebration of your successess ( moving swiftly on...) academically, there is no schism change in your life ( or body parts! ) resulting from it ( paper hormones is a great analogy! ) - this will come from the choices you make over the coming months, years.
Congratulations on your graduation, your nicely flourishing scepticism, and your writing, as always insightful and entertaining.
PJ
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