This girl I see
smells so badly
When she tells me to hold her close,
I hesitate, stop and think "Oh, she's so gross!"
She smells so bad,
this odor is driving me mad!
The trace of icky stench she leaves,
burns a hole in my sleeves
I try not to breathe in,
her stench fills the room with putrid sin
It's truly killing me!
If you smelled her, you would agree!
She has greasy hair
Does she even care?
It's the opposite of clean
The people who tease her are so mean
She's so vile,
yet all she can do is smile
She needs a shower,
then she'll smell like a flower
But she doesn't want to
I should buy her some shampoo!
She looks so bad,
I'm not her, so I'm perfectly glad!
This girl I see
has tons of acne!
She really needs proactive
This doesn't look so attractive
A pizza is on her face
Ugh! what a disgrace
Oh, what a site!
I can't tell her because I'm all nice and polite
She makes me want to scream "EWWW!"
A makeover is long overdue
No one can see her face under that stuff
I think I've said enough
If she would take a shower,
and get proactive
Maybe she would have more friends,
if she understands the message I'm trying to send
She's plainly repelling,
Maybe she doesn't know how bad she's smelling
Copyright {c} 2007 Hannah Duffin {All Rights Reserved}
Author notes
I'm not really this mean, I'm just writing it for the contest..... :]
A contest entry
- She is Human by shewalksintomine.
500 points, ended May 29, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Okay, how evil am I that I LMAO with this one?!?!? I am glad ot know you are not mean....The rhyminf seemd a bit forced here....but given the subject, I can see why. I enjoyed the laugh....and need a shower!!!! EEWWwwwwwwww! Best of luck in the contest.
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haha thanks for the comment, I felt like it should be forced b/c of the topic it was on,haha. I'm glad you likes it!
-HD
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i'm so glad you enjoyed mine, starXcrossed! and literal isn't always a bad direction to take with prompts [[and here i go, speaking like a regular contest participant, when this is my first one. sorry about that]].
if you're looking for constructive criticism for improving, you might want to edit over yours; it helps for a finished look. for example, i think you meant disgrace, not discrace, and 'a pizza is on her face' not the double her, or hole instead of whole in the first section. give it a second readthrough after the typing, to make sure it says exactly just what you want.
and if you didn't want criticism, i apologize. it was just a thought. -
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no, i love critisism, thanks for it! haha. that's why i joined this site.
-HD
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Thank you for entering my contest. To help with fair and unbiased judging, please don't respond to comments made on this poem until after the contest has ended. Good luck to you.
__swim -
How hilariously mean!! LMAO
some wonderful, yet cruel, images you've painted here
I'm glad to see that you've noted that you're not really cruel, or else i'dve bombed you with hate messages... lol
GOod luck in the contest
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