osprey swooping
fishing from the sky
sushi every day
In a list
A contest entry
- Back to Basics Haiku by azure85.
790 points, ended June 6, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I'm not sure if you meant to have the touch of humor in this but I loved it anyway. The small rhyming is great and I'm so very sorry you did not place in this contest.
Bandaid. -
lol! I liked this one very much, statements or no. great humor--makes me hungry for sushi. Also, I liked the "osprey" "prey" and "day" rhyme; rhyming haiku makes me very happy for reasons I don't entirely understand. very cool take on the osprey, glad I got to see it, and good luck in the contest!
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Welcome to Back to Basics!
A nature haiku:
osprey swooping
fishing from the sky
sushi every day
I agree with Polly that L1 & 2 are statements, can you show with an images the osprey? Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
Susie -
I feel much like the others with this haiku, though in a normal poem, I think the second line is an excellent way of putting it. Fishing from the sky has a mysticality to it =)
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Thank you for entering our workshop.
osprey, bird of prey
fisher without a license
sushi every day
I really like the "aha" line in line three, but lines one and two both seem to be more statements than actual sense images. Do you think you could get the same point across with the use of images rather than statements. Haiku normally do not have titles. The first line is usually substituted for the title. -
this is not consider as haiku since it does not contain kigo (season word). the three lines doesn't connect to each others especially the last line...what is the connection of sushi to osprey bird???
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When I used to frequent Sandy Hook years ago, the NPS prided themselves as the only National Park having an osprey nest. I suppose that osprey very well was the only one on National Park property to fisher without a licence--and sun-bathe too!
Cool haiku, Bill!
Jo
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