chilly west wind
shakes leaves in the trees
winter is nigh
Author notes
According to my American Heritage Dictionary one definition of shiver is "to quiver or vibrate , as by force of the wind".Shake is listed as a synonym.
In a list
A contest entry
- Back to Basics Haiku by azure85.
790 points, ended June 6, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Vibrate in the wind? I guess so... Well a good write here.
"chilly west wind
shakes leaves in the trees
winter is nigh" I like that.
Sorry you did not place in this contest,
Bandaid. -
I like this, it brings on the feeling through its few words that the season is changing. I am still so new to writing Haiku, but I enjoyed this and wish you good luck in the contest and all the best~
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Nice subject matter, and though you mention a season in the haiku, I like how it does not directly tell you which season the haiku is actually about!
I'd remove the authors note, though. Reading that just after reading the haiku detracted from my serene feeling a bit
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Welcome to Back to Basics!
Polly has left some good suggestion about this haiku:
chilly west wind
shivers leaves in the trees
winter is nigh
I agree about the personification, and "shakes" would be grammatically more correct. Think about it and see how you can focus on the image in L2. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
Susie -
Thank you for entering our workshop.
chilly west wind
shivers leaves in the trees
winter is nigh
This haiku has a very good subject. There are a couple of suggestions I would like to make. Normally haiku do not have titles. The first line is usually substituted for the title. Line two seems to be very close to personification with the use of the word shivering. Poetic devices like personification are not normally used in haiku. Do you think you could create the same image with a word that would not personify the leaves?
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