painted turtle babes
pebbles who shift on concrete
wetlands left behind
A contest entry
- Back to Basics Haiku by azure85.
790 points, ended June 6, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I reall ylike this haiku. There is a calm about this piece. I love a good haiku. Keep up the good work
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Very awesome short Haiku. Loved the theme, brought a smile to my face and definately a nice reflection on topic. Well done and much luck in contest.
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awsome haiku! i find these things so hard to write, they never come out sounding right, when most people write these, it seems so forced, but this one's great, i love it! great write! xoxo, --gooshawn <3 xoxo
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Wow, this is quite darling. Brings to mind the red crbas of Christmas Island. lol You've actually packed a lot into this and yes, the imagery that's evoked is lovely. Wonderfully done.
Bella
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I really like the image this haiku gives. You did a great job on it. Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed reading it
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Wow this is a gorgeous write. Is it meant to be "babes" or "babies" thouhg?
Sorry you did not place in this contest,
Bandaid. -
Oh, much enjoyed this, love the imagery and the whole of it, 'pebbles who shift on concrete', love that way of letting us see the trutles. Good Luck to you in the contest and all the best~
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lol..oops, should I have laughed? I don't care, I laughed because I got a very clear visual of some slo-ass turtles kissing the pavement....Love this.
Laney
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I like the image of "mass exodus," or almost "mass exodus" written into this haiku. I do like the last line as to how you have both the "dodge" and "ford"...and it's a cool haiku.
Best wishes to you in the contest!
Jo -
Visual, sad, and truthful.
I'd remove the capital letters from the middle of the sentences though! -
Thank you for entering our workshop.
Painted Turtle Babes,
Fleeing in mass exodus;
Not all dodge the Fords.
This is an interesting concept for a haiku. there are a couple of things or suggestions that I would like to make. Haiku do not normally use capitalization. Lines two and three seem to be more of a staement rather than a sense image. Do you think you could get the same point across using an image? -
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I changed it, trying to make it more nature related and less statement oriented.
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Too cool
Hope that turtle don't get squash lol. It made me smile. Good luck in the contest. Haley27
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