Reds, greens and yellows
Colours bright before the snow
Colours announce Fall
Colours of FallİLady Dragonwyck
(10-5-2005 a Haiku)
A contest entry
- Back to Basics Haiku by azure85.
790 points, ended June 6, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Beautiful
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Very beautiful haiku. Fall is the beautiful season.
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well I liked it lady D. so I think that all that counts, Hugs Eddy
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I agree with Pollycheck on this one, it tells a picture but does not really describe one. Still a good write.
Sorry you did not place in this contest,
Bandaid. -
Thank you for entering our workshop.
Reds, greens and yellows
Colours bright before the snow
Colours announce Fall
This haiku does tell about a picture, but does not really speak in images. It seems that it is more statements reather than a snapsot in time. Haiku normally do not have titles. The first line id normlly substituted for the title. You have already received some very good comments about capitalization and redundancy. -
Like entering these contests as one gets so many suggestions as to how to improve their poems from the contest hosts. Revision after revision until it is just right. Think too that colours should not be repeated twice in three lines - hues perhaps?
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Repeating a word in a haiku is a major infringement LOL My suggestion is deleting one, or even both. Use small letters and minimum punctuation.
reds, greens and yellows
glow before the snow
promos of fall
Note the sound effect in glow/snow, it's not rhyming, it's assonance.
I hope this helps!
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Good start, but I think this could use some revision. You mention what season it is directly in the poem, which was already done in the first two lines. You also use the word colours twice, which is redundant in a haiku which only says so many things.
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Indeed they do
A delightful Haiku. Wonderful. ~Pamela 
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Welcome to Back to Basics!
A haiku about autumn:
Reds, greens and yellows
Colours bright before the snow
Colours announce Fall
Lovely color choice, is there an image you could use to illustrate these fall colors?
fall showers
rainbow of colors
on the trees
Oh, that was just an example, I know not a great one. Think of a pretty fall image that you know of, and describe it. Polly and others will come by to comment more, and I will be back to offer any suggestions. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
Susie
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