I shall extract this,
Not to frighten you,
Since the fear makes you strong.
Nor to entertain you,
Since I would rather
Use my tongue for that.
No, one does not choose anyway,
And since those eyes,
Full of fire and doubt
Look elsewhere,
It will not hurt to empty the soul,
And fuel the despair
So far forbidden.
Why lag so far behind?
Tell her of the whiteness.
And the taste of her skin, be childish and bold,
And tell her of the Joy when the piece of fabric moved, or
The feeling of her wetness on my hand.
No less wicked am I, Than she twisting the meaning of it all,
Twisting her own heart viciously.
Because of her sins.
Author notes
Written July 30th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
-
You Nailed It!
I don’t know, maybe you have already ironed out all of the kinks, because I cant find any. I enjoyed this all the way through, the images were awesome, the flow is silk!
This part… “Nor to entertain you,
Since I would rather
Use my tongue for that.”
Really stuck with me. I read on a bit more aggressively just to understand what the bigger meaning behind that was. This is the type of poem to make you think, and you did a great job and making the reader work a bit while reading it, because it gets us involved in the poem and makes it last longer in our minds. Well done write!
Much love and respect to you.
-
I like your thoughts of wonder what she feels or is feeling because of what she did.I totally agree that you should wonder and that you should know why.
-
i like it
if her sins is what made her do what she did how does she feel or does it affect her at all.
what made u write a poem about her sins? did u want the world to know of her evil ways or what?
-
Mysterious....
"No less wicked am I, Than she twisting the meaning of it all,
Twisting her own heart viciously.
Because of her sins."
I like these lines out of the whole thing..
and well
I'm not one for much talk I usual get in and get out.
Loved it
-
Yes. Way back to this one. Which I've always wanted to ask you about.
-
Wonderful
This Is Beautifully Written. Not So Much Dark As Thoughtful, But That Is Very Much My Own Opinion.
-Your Forgotten Child- -
this is such a sensual and dark poem!The flow of its words run smoothly through your mind when you read it. It is rather mysterious on the good side,but a bit complicated as well. What is it that you're talking about?Not much clarification is given.
First and third stanzas are my favourite!The first is mysterious and powerful, the third is darkly lyrical.I will have to agree though with another person that commented on the fact that the title is too generic.However i sympathise since i usually write a poem and add the title later myself resulting in a generic and sometimes not so creative title.
The erotic tone certainly added to the poem since it was subtle.The mention of giving pleasure with the tongue is the only thing i did not like since it sounded cliche.Ooh and the word lag,i don't like the way it sounds in the flow of the poem.
Great job!Keep it up!
-
that was an amazing poem...well written and full of emotion, nice job
-
Free verse crafted well, dark, sensuous, unexpected
conclusion/twist. Who is the more wicked? Of course, she is perceived to be. The power of intimidation, a great tool you utilized! The only line throwing me off a little is in L1. If you could clarify or edit: "I shall extract this." The whole line is unclear to me. Thank you for your entry to the contest and I will check back later for your response/edit. -
Such a sweet poem,it has an excellent flow running through it. can feel the emotion in this terrific job
-
I really enjoyed this...form the beginning to end..this is awesomeness..Because of her sin...Great i love it.......Heather
-
I liked a lot of it but i couldn't connect to what you were saying. Good dark word choice.
-
Very good, a touch of romance mixed with erotic...nicely written...takes you away for awhile..thanks for sharing
-
i enjoyed it. definately a differant point of view. one that many can relate to. well done.
-
Naughty and Nice
A sensual write, I did think the title was a bit generic though...it just didn't seem to mesh with the poem in any meaningful way on this end (although maybe it has a more personal meaning for you). -
nice write. your emotion rang true here. good luck!
-
An unusually beautiful and sensitive piece of poetry. I like the way it flows. Deeply and quietly! Keep up the brilliant work!
-
Great piece. Very emotional. I especially loved the third verse, but the whole thing was awesome, and I really liked it.
Very beautiful. I'm really glad I clicked on this, and I enjoyed reading it. Great write, keep up the good work.
-
Hey,
This was a very well written poem..very sweet and..great flow..you used a great choice of words also...keep writting you are great at it
-
wow this was very good.
well written.
it was really intense which kept me reading.
WELL DONE!
<3danielle -
wow
ooooo the imagery is actually scary in a sense... it is very intense and you must have loads of love for this person i must say... good job, it gave me the goose flesh! -
rocks
beautiful and an intense poem . it rocks . it is dark and draws to it . like you can't turn away . awesome poem .
-
The flow of this poem is wonderfully done. It sounds so smooth. I really love the line "tell her of the joy when the piece of fabric moved" it's very unique. This poems words are so unique and yet they capture me and I find myself in a trance, caught in the wonder of this amazing poem. Keep it up, this rocks.
-
sexy and mildly scary, you really got a way with words:
"tell her of the Joy when the piece of fabric moved" and the other "tell her" line of "the whiteness.
And the taste of her skin"
particularly evocative, and very beautiful. Well done on such an original write! -
This was a very good poem and for a little while I did not understand that....oh never mind I understand now and this was really well written.
-
wow... very good... this is something i enjoy to read... sparkes my interest... but yea.... its good...i like it...
jacob -
This sounds erotic but down to a moderat level. It's very good. U have talent.
Keep in Touch,
Blackstar16 -
I've often been entertained with a tongue but not necessarily the way I had in mind. ehhh. Wetness on the hand is hella good but that could be because of vodka double shots.
Went looking for Lutie-ness and found a gooder.
Desiree
-
Good write. It was filled with emotion, power, Passion, it was all good keep up the good work hope to read more soon.
-
GREAT!
That was GREAT i absolutley LOVED it!! ^_^ good job! -
Great job
It was awesome! Very deep...but awesome all the same. Great job! -
Bravo
An extremely delightful read. I'm not entirely sure what it was about, but it thrilled my soul and chilled me to the bone. Bravo -
This is a pretty intense poem for its chosen length. I really liked it a lot too, it brought some terrific images to my mind. The other thing I enjoyed about it is that you've taken something that seems so religious and taken the religious out of it so that normal people who don't live by the bible (no offense meant) can understand and enjoy it to its fullest. Thank you for such a great write, I know I appriciated it.
~Saknika -
Very creative, indeed. The flow was absolutely wonderful, and it was full of emotion. The others are right, you should have it listed under Erotica, also. But whatever you want to do is fine with me! Haha. Keep up the good work. -Jessica
-
This was really good.. deep and kinda sexual at the same time. It's just a great poem. Left me in awe... keep up the good work
-
A very deep piece, powerfully penned, and the content within drew me deeper with each passing line... Thanks for sharing, pen on!
-Timothy -
beautiful.I love this and your thoughts are quite enticing.
-
Hot
Very good, I particularly liked the lines:
"And the taste of her skin, be childish and bold,
And tell her of the Joy when the piece of fabric moved,"
and
"No less wicked am I, Than she twisting the meaning of it all,
Twisting her own heart viciously."
The last line was very powerful, kind of made me go, "Ooh..." Are you sure you shouldn't have this under Erotica as well?
Phew...
-
it sounds like my song 'night of the black angel' i had on the featured list lastnight
-
this rocked!! it was deep. the first two stanzas were the bestest ever!!! keep writing! XXX jading
-
can't sleep. this is wicked good in that uncomfortable kind of sexual poem way..its late and i have a cold so i'm feeling fuzzy. it ain't no sin to be glad your alive i always said and still do.... hope el diablo meant whole not hole...could go either way...suppose..in the scheme of things.
-
Sins that fall from the eyes come a part of the heart, and then they are ripped away and shamed. Then the body makes everything hole and fulfilled within each breath, and then it becomes one and the same.
Or it doesn't.
-
Cool.
I wish I could comment more on it, other than the fact that I liked it. I think it is more important to say that this will one "of those" which will come to my mind unbidden in the future.
Thank you.
~Fox~
-
Excellent
Ooooooooooh Lute~ Use your tongue for that you say~
I shall extract this,
Not to frighten you,
Since the fear makes you strong.
This is one of my favorite stanzas of course next to the tongue used for that~ Keep them coming my dear~ Big hugs and much love to you~ Desire
-
may I just copy wendys statement? lol
(needs a cold shower) -
DAMN. This is awesome. Once I fully grasped the concept(we that don't sleep are slow on occasion), I was speechless. Torn between a grin and a grimace, but really just enjoying the space in between. It speaks volumes without using a lot of words. Darkly beautiful, twisted and true. Many levels and so many depths. Gooood.
-
I must say I did enjoy this write quite much.I like the style you wrote it in and the wording is just simply awesome.
*appluads*
Great Write!
-
r u thinking what I\'m thinking.....
*blushing* This poem is very creative in that it's a revealing mixed with that little voice inside. Stranagely this is fricken genius. I like your thought process.
Here's lookin' at you!
Keep Feelin' Fascination,
~Tiffany~ -
:: applause, applause ::
Those two opening stanzas are fantastic !
You switched the "am I"... when my ear was hearing " I am" :-)
Enjoyed this, much !
~ Wendy
Adding your comment:
1 - 49 of 49
