he fuses with the twilight,
and she complements the needles
running down her back
with waning winters
writing beauty across her lashes
a wolf scrawls its lament over canvas moonlight
she feeds: acid
from the naked earth beneath her feet
lower still--
the sky beneath the ground is
beckoning but she doesn't answer
for she finds herself just a stitch away
from writing an (under)story
in the absence of light
Author notes
name: narcissus at oasis
written for Teen Idol 5
biome: forest (boreal, taiga.)
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Your ideas that you brought into this piece were extraordinary, and your details and poetic devices were wonderful. I think that the only things I'm not satisfied with are your grammar and your clarity. Maybe in your next round, try to be less mystical and concentrate your efforts more on the task. Still, with all of that said, a really good job.
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I liked that the images made me feel as though it were storming outside. The poem has undertones of grey in it, and combined with the images, it makes a great poetic device. I confess the ending was a bit difficult for me to discern, but I love the way it sounds. I think it went a little over my head because it is very open for the reader to insert their own interpretation. I like that.
The style is clear and consistent, so you'll get points for that. The poem flows well, makes vivid images, and has a beautiful title. I believe you will score well.
Good luck!
-S
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interesting.
this to me, seems like a poem that can be taken in so many directions when it comes to interpretation.
I thought your poem's title was.. blah. Come on, both of us know you could have done better. Something more creative and clever. I know you have it in you.
Other than that, its simplicity is what made it good, and everything else just made it a whole lot better.
Good luck to you. -
amazing imagery, best of luck to you in the competition. i really like this piece, especially
"wolf scrawls its lament ovoer canvas moonlight
she feeds: acid
from the naked earth beneath her feet"
to me, that is pure genius. just, beautiful.
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This poem gave me the chills, I am not sure why, because I must be honest I did not really understand it. Please do not take offense
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None taken.
This was written for a competition, in which the first round was to write about a biome. I chose the boreal forest, better known as "taiga." It was an exercise in personification, and the "woman" in the poem refers to the forest.
The imagery is pretty far-out, typical of my poetry...glad you let me know. Thanks~
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