Easing into the spell of night
a stormy web of fierce lavenders and widows white
Woven by a gently opened hand
silently brewing an unspeakable fate.
And so it began. . .
Augusta's passion began to dance forward.
She looked down at her bosom to unveil a stream of beads.
They began to crack like brittle shells,
bloated by the tears of ten thousand years suffering,
Buried under the blustery madness
of her beautiful darkness unrestrained.
Her body swaying against the forces of evil mortals,
pulling them under the weight of her godly justice.
Keeping the righteous safe under the gravitation of mercy
as they triumphantly observe the collapse of evil.
Now the lands below once again pure as a newborns gaze
collecting the magic colors where few dare to dream.
Augusta permits the heavens to rescind
and closes her eyes to rest.
Author notes
I did my best to make it dark, but it goes off into it's own as usual. ok, been a couple days i revamped it so it was more in form, hopefully reads better as well.
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired Dark Poerty by ennovy.
550 points, ended May 20, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any suggestions would be grateful to read them, thanks!
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Hey man...!!! you are surely a great poet and I love the amazing write..the imagery is beautiful and strong and is very deep!! it rhymed good too at some places which was the best part..The lyrics make this one of more importance and this one is just amazing.
this is a great job, and i look forward to read more of yours. ANd do take a look at my work too, i wud be very thankful to u for this act of kindness
best of luck for more!!!
God bless,
Love,
-Mansoor -
I love it.
Great and effective use of tetrameter, one of my favourite metre's! I love the defiance of convention with your refusal to rhyme, and the strength of the verbs demonstrating the godess's power. Well written. I like it
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this is pretty good! I like it ,you have given very nice imagery in your writing and it was not too short and not too long! keep up the good work!
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Good read. The progression from one line, from one thought to another, was strong. Your description of the act of selfless heroism by Augusta and your solicitation of our admiration made me feel it. Your expression was wonderfully dark. The unusual tone within the piece, as if it were a recitation of history, is very appealing to my ear.
“The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--that's all."--Lewis Caroll
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Oh. This is a very interesting poem that you have written here. It seems like you have put a lot of work into it to help with the flow. It did seem to stutter or seem a little rough in some spots but I thought that you did pretty well with that. The whole story makes me think of the seasons changing and all the things that change with it. I think that you have done a good job of expressing yourself here.
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She looked down at her bosom to unveil a stream of beads.
They began to crack like brittle shells,
bloated by the tears of ten thousand years suffering
This is very well written. -
Beautifully written indeed, It puts into my mind the rain of 40 days and 40 nights that cleansed the world of sin in the Bible. Made me sad to think that this world needs it again...scott
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Stunned!
This is amazing there should be five green trophies beneath it. I wish I could reach into your mind and steal the way you take such vocabulary and place it perfectly to continue an endless stream of magnificent poetry, congrats on your award you deserved it.
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interesting.
My opinion: never TRY to make something dark. If you're feeling dark, write dark. If you're feeling dark and experimental, write a positive poem.
i would encourage you to check out a couple of my poems. I have some dark ones and some very dark ones. i also have several positive from negative etc. please check it out.
good piece.
footprint -
nice
It is dark, but ultimately not since she appears to be a force of good. I like the flow of your language, especially in the first stanza. I would consider replacing "unspeakable fate" with something less obvious, but that's just me.
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Beautiful, Dark, Sad
You painted a lovely picture with your words
and I thank you for entering my contest...novy
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thanks! i did find the picture inspiring so twas a pleasure in entering.
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will return later to read this again, the chow bell just rang!LOL
John
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i appreciate that thanks!
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