I. The Description of a Kiss
The most simple of known examples
exploded, into a sentence comprising
two words. A gash of
entropy, with gestures too
grandiose for one of his
low standing.
Se 34
82 p16
A Ballad of Descent,
a poor man's inferno,
in girum imus nocte.
***
II. Newness Ends
All words are harmless.
Be5, I had a better repsonse,
Lost in metaphor.
I left him.
Using a mirror,
He practised mate
with one rook.
Only fools find courage
in a second language.
Author notes
“I accept that DP Robertson can be a complete prick when it comes to commenting on something he obviously doesn’t like – I have waived my right to complain to moderators and owner of this site about his help wrapped in thistles type comments on my beloved poetry. Although I believe DP Robertson may have a bitter and twisted side to his nature, he has the right to criticise my doggerel anyway he sees fit with whatever words he chooses.”
A contest entry
- ANYTHING YOUR LITTLE HEART WISHES TO FOB OFF AS POETRY. by dp robertson.
700 points, ended February 11, 2008, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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brilliant
I don't know your current feelings about dp, and will not even begin to comment on those. That's between you and him. But this piece is smashing. Very nicely done. Generally, I cringe at random alternate language usage, but the latin line is a good one, subtle and well-placed. A put-down too lovely to not appreciate.
C
I found you while scanning his favourites. lolol
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When I logged in and saw your comment I couldn't work out why you thought I'd an issue with dp, then I clicked through to the poem in question and it's clear - the note in the author's notes was required to be copy and pasted there by dp himself - it's from his pen - in order to enter the competition. Hope that clears it up.
Actually, I had thought of editing it recently, I think dp's comments are fantastic - it's worth entering his contests just so you have a handy bookmark for so many of them in one place.
As for the poem itself, of course it's only half finished... -
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lolol oh well that doesn't surprise me then. sounds like something he would do. sorry I didn't look at the contest myself! I agree about his comments. I can't write anything without hearing him in my head saying "now, is there any tautology?" lol
can't wait to see the other half....
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Wow! The puns are very clever and this is one of the most creative poems I've read in a while. Congratulations on the gold, you really deserve it.
~Diana
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This is great. Loved it.
David
This is wonderful –
A Ballad of Descent, a poor man's inferno, in girum imus nocte. (in seeing night coming)
Such a brilliant line in among many.
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I really enjoyed this. I don't know what else to really say, but great job and thank you so much for entering. Good luck!
Chelsea
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bit of a typo in comprising early on, but I really love your style.
have you read any michael bulgakov, namely, the master and marguerite?
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The only word I understand is nocte. So what's this about? I will admit ignorance. I want to know about your style, and the way your thinking about life informs your poetry. Though I don't understand the context, it's obvious by the syntax, and phrasing that this is well thought out, intelligent and excellent.
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