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silicone beauty

Push up bra
L
  A
    D
        D
          E
              R
                E
                    D
    Tights
Matching her arms

S i l i c o n e           B e a u t y
Give me some flesh

None to SPARE
Two fingers force out your food

BRIGHT colours, you almost touch it
Too many pills tonight d a r l i n g

E.C.S.T.A.S.Y

Vomit spattered bloody sheets
Accomplished,
in your abuse

Guilty Pleasures

BLOODY
Arms
Eyes
Feet

Dancing too hard
Needed some help?
                        Time stamped highs
ROLLLLLLLING
Touch me
          Feel me
Love me
        Leave me
Hold me
          Fuck me
Kiss me
          Chuck me


Limited sensical movements

My: s i l i c o n e  b e a u t y

Author notes

pfft appauling attempt at a dirty pretty stlye

"Dirty Pretty ♥"

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Page Deleted.
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So, is this your first attempt at dirty pretty?
    It's not bad, I really liked some of the words you've used in this piece.

    Like
    ***Touch me
    Feel me
    Love me
    Leave me
    Hold me
    Fuck me
    Kiss me
    Chuck me***

    I do have a few parts that I thought could be improved:

    **slilicone** in the title - it doesn't give the best of impressions when the title isn't spelled correctly, it should be **silicone**

    And there's the same misspelled word in the line:
    ***My: s l i c o n e b e a u t y***

    ***BIGHT colours, you almost touch it***
    Should this be BRIGHT instead of BIGHT?

    Thankyou for taking the time to enter and best of luck to you in the contest.

    Keira
    -- blackwood.baby


  • AusStar
    May 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    While I was reading this I, I was mentally looking at one of those magazines with the stick thing pathetic models. A poem has achieved something when it gives you a mental image.


  • Galaxy2
    December 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting
    Unique in structure, style and diction

    Galaxy2


  • Exodus gold member
    June 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Touch me
    Feel me
    Love me
    Leave me
    Hold me
    Fuck me
    Kiss me"
    ♥♥♥
    I loved these lines, so simple in the wording yet they can represent much more.
    I have to agree with "disaster". This is not appauling. I too have seen much worse; so much preschool punctuation it distorts any semblance of poetry coupled with cliche's so bad it makes you want to (excuse the horrible pun) puke. Thank you for this, I found it intriguing.


  • a tragic end
    June 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    No it's really not appauling...I have seen MUCH worse. Not too much punctuation and the spacing wasn't that confusing. My favorite lines were

    "Give me some flesh

    None to SPARE
    Two fingers force out your food"

    Far too many people write about anorexia and don't acknowledge it's counterpart. And you didn't dwell on it either. A happy medium. Good write all together.

1 - 6 of 6