I really don’t know what to say to you
Because I can’t do what other people do
But I’ll tell you this:
If I didn’t hate you before
I hate you more now
And maybe
ohhhh baby baby
Maybe my heart told your heart to go get a life
I'm trying so hard not to talk fa fa fast
But don’t you remember
I stutter when I lie
I hate how
You
Push me around
Like it’s your right
You do it because you can
And baby
Maybe I need
A
Shot to the brain and a blow to the heart
The screaming hurts this time, sweetheart
But apparently, I haven't had enough pain
I fell to the ground
As your metaphorical sarcastic gun shot me
Straight in my shredded heart
But don’t you know
Shredded hearts beat so much faster
Than the ugly architecture of your soul
See me dead on the floor?
Happy now?
Are you proud of yourself?
You walk away
And let the record play
Let it play…
Author notes
the prewrite option
A contest entry
- Give...Me something..Anything..Only gots ONE prize!! by Stripes.
490 points, ended May 25, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty Pre-Writes or new... by One Eunique Pixie.
380 points, ended May 21, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - another dirrty pretty!!!yay by Aquamarine..
600 points, ended May 23, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just, Whatever I guess by Shantalina.
700 points, ended July 5, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Express your feelings by Razor-Blade Romance.
313 points, ended June 1, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write Anything.... (following what I want) by Cool.Indifference.
400 points, ended July 6, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What is Dirty Pretty? by Madison Mary.
300 points, ended July 20, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This was stunningly amazing, love. Im really shocked that you havent recieved a trophy for this write. I was attracted to it by the title, which btw, i lovvve it!!! But its so much more than the title doll. Great write!
Shredded hearts beat so much faster
Than the ugly architecture of your soul
See me dead on the floor?
Happy now?
Are you proud of yourself?
You walk away
And let the record play
Let it play…
^^i loved that! :] -
Very powerful !
I like the word usage !!! Very nice ! -
This is amazing... please put your option number in your authors comment box please. By tomorrow or I'll have to DQ you. Thanks for entering, and best of luck to you!
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awesome god luck
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OOOOOH! I like it! I love the emotion you put into it!
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this was a really powerful write...your words were strong, powerful and emotional as well and they flowed really smoothly i like the colours you choose as well keep writting your talented and good luck in the contest
~Chrissy~ -
This is magnifico! I think that you have portrayed your emotions very well here. I love the overall flow. It is so well done. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in my contest. Love and Peace, Charlene.
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Wow
Wow..its really good. I like it mainly cuz its soo different, there so many emotions here, and some might think that its confusing but I LOVE IT. good job..and Good Luck! -
Great write!
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Wow, this is dark and defective. I like it and the idea was a good one. I like the late few lines, well done, keep on writing.
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