It’s dark tonight, there is no light
and I’m so tired of feeling despair
Finally broken, by every word spoken
battered and bruised, beyond simple repair
I’ve been so strong, but it’s all wrong;
these lies we’ve lived through the years
I bitterly taste, time gone to waste
until my sanity no longer adheres
I’d rather die, than let myself cry
but tonight I’ve drown in an ocean
You couldn’t care less, about my distress
or the ending I know is in motion
The damage is done; you’ve finally won
shredding the last of already thin trust
I've no way to mend, or try to defend
accusations completely untrue and unjust
So leave me alone, as you’ve clearly shown
I’m the last thing you ever think of
So much on your mind, but I doubt I’d find
what you still tell me is love
All of the pain, dredged up again
But I’m done, I’m finished, that’s IT
No reason to try, don’t think you can deny
It was long, long ago that you quit.
Author notes
By: trista
Theme: Loving an alcoholic
Option 4
In a list
A contest entry
- For everyone I Love by Never Fall in Love.
600 points, ended June 24, 2007, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Truth Of Life contest round THREE (invite only) by xandercheerios.
1000 points, ended July 31, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Ok so this is like... great! It's very similar to one of the styles I write in, so I am impressed. HOWEVER, your rhythm isn't consistent, there are parts that could easily be fixed... to improve both the rhythm AND flow, (I'll drown-flow, I doubt THAT I'd find-rhythm) SO for next round if you advance... since you can't enter a pre-write, I advise you to really work on those areas... but don't start the poem yet, because there will be a twist in the rules.
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Ouch
I know these words, have lived this plea, and walked this difficult path. It takes some time to blossom again. A truly gripping and soul moving work. Wonderful rhyme and meter here and I ams SO pleased to see a gold trophy on this piece. Congratulations for a fabulous poem. ~Pamela
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Haha looking at the comment from Chandni there is nothing more that I can add! The poem is brilliant and you thoroughly deserved gold xD. I thought I'd seen her use this style somewhere... x take care and keep up the great work! x
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You know... I;ve been waiting sooooo long to comment on this.
I literally had to battle myself to be fair and wait till the contest ends to comment.
Now that I should comment, I have no idea where to start.
Jeez, do you know how goddamn much I LOVE this poem?
It's nothing less than your best written poems
This is absolutely wonderful.
I loved the rhyme scheme (lol, I stole it to make one of mines, it won gold by the way)
I loved the image you painted throughout the poem.
The flow was way good.
And, you went in my head. Yea, you;ve done that. You said everything that I probably would have said myself and put some style to it.
The first time I read it was the perfect time. I couldn't read because of how much I related, but the verses were all catchy and so i read it. After that, I came to it many many times. Showed all my friends too and they LOVED it (sad that they dont have allpoetry accounts)
I showed yash too, he said it was great (rare description coming from him, he always says something is okay)
Finally broken, by every word spoken
I felt that way too many times. I'm a very emotionally soft person. Things that people say hurt me alot. Often, I find myself fighting not to show any tears. and the next reason I loved this line so much - yash.
You couldn’t care less, about my distress
or the ending I know is in motion
That part hit me real hard. Especially the night I read it. Knowing that the person you really love - doesn't care about you is painful. You think there couldn't be anything worse but there is. Hearing him say it in front of you.
The damage is done; you’ve finally won
shredding the last of already thin trust
I don;t think I know the meaning of trust anymore. The amount of broken promises I;ve got from the one person I could have trusted my life to without hesitation. I don't know anymore.
I’m the last thing you ever think of
It's scaring me to think of how true that one line is.
All of the pain, dredged up again
But I’m done, I’m finished, that’s IT
No reason to try, don’t think you can deny
It was long, long ago that you quit.
There is NOTHING about this poem I don't like. It's probably not a good thing to be able to relate, but the way it all comes out, it's like telling me my own story in a professional way.
ALL the best to you
NeveR ♥
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Ahhh, Chandni...
I hate that you can relate to this poem, because it's such a painful place to be.
But writing it, I was pretty sure you would understand where I was coming from and how I felt. But for all the times I've read your poetry and felt like you've written something that I was feeling, or like you've tapped into my mind...maybe it's only fair it goes both ways on occasion? 
Thank you SO MUCH for the gold trophy in your contest. It really means a lot to me, and I honestly tried to give you my best because...well, because it was YOUR contest, and you mean a lot to me.
Chin up, sweetheart...we are both going to be just fine.
Love ya,
~J.
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You could have sticked a fork in me alao, because I just about done as you are.
So leave me alone, as you’ve clearly shown
I’m the last thing you ever think of
So much on your mind, but I doubt I’d find
what you still tell me is love.
I can so relate to that piece, you have done an wonderful job my friend.
And as beautiful as love can be, it really sucks sometimes. I pray for only thr best for you my friend
We are going to make this I have no doubt, nothing can keep us down for long. we have each to fall back on.
Manyblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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Hi Joyce,
Men are great...but girlfriends are usually the ones who keep us sane in romantic craziness. TY for being such a great friend, and for reminding me it WILL get better. 
Love ya, my friend
~J.
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The title threw me as it's very funny and sausagey. But the poem is a serious one (I think, unless your tongue in cheekiness is very immense indeed). Maybe a re-think on one level then?
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Hi Edna,
I haven't had a comment from you in a while, so I was glad to see this from you...even if you got suckered in by the title and then it didn't deliver. I'm afraid the only "tongue in cheekiness" in this poem is the fact I put it in "anger management" when I had to pick a category for it. 
"Stick a fork in me, I'm done" is a saying I hear every once in a great while, so unfortunately I can't even claim it as my own. But, the words seemed to fit how I was feeling at the time better than anything else.
If I can find something that's not TOO over the top, I'll be along to return the favor.
Take care and thanks for stopping by,
~J.
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Fantastic Write
Such a moving write Trista!! You have painted a painting of the last straw so well that your readers will live the tragety with you. Imagery and emotion are fantastic! The well chosen words in the content draw your reader into a world of misery so well that I am captivated by the write wanting to be next to you in your defense. This is not life, it is a prison sentence. You have done very well in penning this write, Don
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Hi Don,
Thank you so much for your glowing comment. I wrote this so fast, I couldn't have told you at the time whether it was good, bad, or indifferent. And you're right...lately I've felt like I'm in the middle of a prison sentence. I know things will get better...they always do...I just need to rethink a few things in my life right now.
Thanks again, and you take care hon.
Much love,
~J. -
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Keep your chin up my friend! Things always do get better if you back up and take a fresh look at what you want and don't want. Then act on the solution whatever it may be. I'm here to help if possible. Your pal, Don
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