Footsteps echo as time marches.
Beginnings fade to darkness.
Hope descends in fiery spiral.
Voices decay.
Sunlight reveals false faces.
Names engraved, weathered away.
In my memory, no one.
Day ends.
Night engulfs
Hidden.
Daytime lies
Bed, hard and cold.
Heart, heavy and bleak.
Eyes stare at nothing.
Ceiling spins.
Light descends.
Lies renew.
Hell come true.
A contest entry
- "I'm sad" POETRY :( by thelovesongwriter.
345 points, ended June 20, 2007, 96 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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i like the smokey feeling this poem has. its clear and hazy at the same time.it is reminicent of drugs,and i defiantly like the whole flow.
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Well, first off, I'd have to say the last paragraph was my favourite lines out of the whole poem. I thought they were the most powerful and stood out more. Over all this is a pretty good write. I liked how in between the paragraphs you have the one lines... Like:
"Day ends.
Night engulfs
Hidden.
Daytime lies
Bed, hard and cold.
Heart, heavy and bleak."
I think that added an extra something to this piece. I thought 'Daytime lies' was the best out of them all, by the way.
Well, I hope you continue to write and have a nice day.
Much Love, xox,
GreenLakeside
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This is really outstanding poem; I think you're able to hit a wonderful mark between dark poetry, without it seeming staged or cliche. It has a true meaning and everything feels so full in the piece.
I think the line breaks and stanza separations really make the poem stand out; everything flows so well together. This is definitely very well crafted.
The only issue I had was with the two misspellings, "cielings" and "descens" (in the first stanza).
Other than that I have no qualms. Wonderfully executed and this is a marvelous piece.
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Thank you
The input was really encouraging, thank you. Also, I fixed the spelling errors. I missed them the first read through. Thanx again.
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