"I don't love you anymore, but I'm still attracted to you. Is that wrong?"
these were the final words that my highschool sweetheart would ever say to me,
the last time I saw him.
Then he raped me.
Somehow,
after that,
I could no longer string hope along, as a sweater unraveling behind, that maybe, not all men were like my father,
my stepfather;
or my only friends grandfather,
who would back me into his bedroom, pulling my squirming eight year old body beneath him,
his teeth full of a smile...
Author notes
...
In a list
A contest entry
- You know who you are... by Nicole Hanna.
11000 points, ended June 8, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Wow
Powerful...
Stopped me in my tracks.
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Made an impact where it counts.
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very strong write ... not a word wasted ... most effective on a difficult subject ... very nicely done >>> gina
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to the point.
the title, i believe, does not need a comma.
the content of the poem was delivered with precision, and i can see the pattern of abuse clearly defined.
"...pulling my squirming eight year-old body beneath him, his teeth full of smile" completely destroyed me! great contrast! -
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The title needs a comma. As a comma indicates a slight change in meaning and intent.
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the storyline seems interesting but i got lost half way through the poem, it just seemed to loose its strength, if you could re organize some of the sentences and go into more detail on some of it i could get a better picture of whats going on in the poem, but i liked the overall plot
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The style is called 'minimulist'. It's supposed to be sort, and it requires you to think and expound on the images presented. If you don't want to do that, there's nothing more I can do to help you.
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I think that if the intent was to make the reader relate on an emotional level, you acheived your goal without a doubt. The point is strong, and quite evident, no mincing of words, and you have strong imagery. I tried to find something that I could be critical of, but frankly there isnt anything. Great job.
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Ugh.
Discusting.
Sorry.
Harsh
and scary
I really reacted out loud.
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Ugh.
Discusting.
Sorry.
Harsh
and scary
I really reacted out loud.
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As always I admire your way of just matter of factly telling it how it is. This time is different however. I am very rarely inspired by another person's writing. Usually it is a movie or a song, or something. Not today! This time you have opened the flood gates for me and the thoughts and feelings are overflowing. Not about this specific piece, but about about the way we react to and treat each other. I have never been on your page, but perhaps I am coming around. This poem has provoked things in me that otherwise would not have happened. I suppose that is the best compliment I can pay you. I still do not see the world through your lenses, but I believe we might be able to share the same binoculars at some point. I'm inspired. I have nothing more to say. RC
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You are a strange person. Lately, I've found that most people I find to be strange are male. I do not believe this to be incidental.
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I was going to honesty give you some constructive feedback but being as this is so entirely personal it would be rather wrong of me. Each line was repulsive...It makes you want to cringe away from the piece and forget what you have read. When I read a piece by someone on this site I try to keep in mind that everyone is on a different playing field and though I can not relate to the poem itself , I can almost feel like I lived through this...This horrible thing that haunts a person always.
I shall return during the contest to truly take this piece in...I'm just happy to be a judge in a contest such as nicole's. If not , I might have missed reading this shattering piece.
All the best and take care ,
James
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There was something very startling about the length of the lines in relation to the length of the piece. It kept me expectant through the whole thing. Of course, you have the corner on incorporating dialogue into your poetry, and you're one of the few people who know how to do it exceptionally well. The last image you leave us with is... honestly... simply disturbing, but in such a way that poetry SHOULD be. You made me physically react and respond and feel to this piece and I can't ask for more than that
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This is terrifyingly real. Your words are honest, and written in a child-like way, making them all the more moving & powerful.
It makes up in emotional height for what it lacks in length. It makes me want to cry or scream or something.
DancingRed.
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jesus
short, bitter, and to the point -
So sick & shocking, yet beautiful in its tragedy, if that makes any sense.
Please tell me there is no truth in these lines... -
And then I died, and it was ok again, because I'm not here anymore. Not anywhere. You understand?
a single broken thread - perhaps is the child who grew up and the gentlemens' dreams unraveled..because they like them young. and i say like because they could get older but they dont want to. they need younger to stay gentlemen.
same emotion as the poem....in my eyes. very sad. about all i can say really....
good luck in the contest.
blu
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To have this haunting a reality to hold onto is like a blackwidow caught in her own web, to speak out about it all is to start the untangling and stop the unravelling. It is compelling to read however and pwoerful in its bite. Love, C
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very sad.
surprising to see you write.
even more surprising, the length.
this was a bit cold. not a bit. alot. ice would be an understatement to describe the temperature of this. it sounds distended... or pulled out from the back of your mind.
traumatizing.
scary.
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It was scary, a long time ago. And then I died, and it was ok again, because I'm not here anymore. Not anywhere. You understand?
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maybe i understand a little
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