Bird plume , feather set
Bright , wild stallions rode off
Armored leather dress,
~~*~~
Painted his mask crest, wore well,
Sovereignty pride foretell,
~~*~~
Morning battlefield,
Service life blessing humble,
Line stand unbroken.
~~*~~
Victory won at
Warriors decode breaker,
Life preservation,
~~*~~
Sacrifice unbroken strive,
Dare to die, that those may live.
Author notes
POD
tanka:5/7/5/7/7
haiku:5/7/5
tanka:5/7/5/7/7
"This is a great form of poetry that flows from my thoughts, though the picture I see is greater, I have summed it all up beautifully in such short verse."
In a list
A contest entry
- Chain Haiku's of Nature V with added twist of a Double tanka (Must be a group member to enter, apply within) by InBetweenThoughts.
600 points, ended May 23, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Chain Haiku's of Nature V with added twist of a Double part II (2nd round for 8 chosen finalists) by InBetweenThoughts.
600 points, ended May 25, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The POD ~* ~* ~* by Arkbear.
300 points, ended August 7, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 59 of 59
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I enjoyed the images that were dropped into the readers head with each set of haiku a story by the end of the chain!
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mmm lovely flow . inticing me more and more each line I receite . keep penning and congrats on the honorable mention !
~ glass fingers~ -
Nice piece; you really captured the form well here. the diction was excellent, and your simple, yet elegant style really created an excellent tone to the piece.
Bravo!
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than u
Thank u for the wonderful sentiments given to my poem. I'm glad u liked it. Saddie23
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You have lots of description neatly packaged within the lines and words flowng across the page here. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace
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I am a Formed Poet Nut!!
.....but.....I a also a Very strict Judge when it comes to Rules ~
You mentioned your name in a couple of reviews...Saddie23 ~
....and if you read the rules, then you'd know that this entry can NOT be
in any other contest at the same time as the POD, POW, POM or POY ~
I have to Dq it.....I'm sorry ~
Bear ~
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sweeet
wow this is amazing =]
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thank u
I'm glad u liked my poem and thank u for the gracious critique and comments.
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Beautifully written with the pride that a warrior would have in his preparation for battle. It flows nicely. I enjoyed reading this poem again. Only the last time I forgot the bunnies.
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Inspiring
I’ve gotten a little lazy about preparing for my daily battles. Thanks for reminding me about that, and that duty and humility are critical aspects of victory. Great job and thank you again. -
interesting and enjoyable!
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Thank u
Thank u for commenting on my poem. Saddie23
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Well
Certainly this poem would make any warrior proud. Especially in this day where they never get enough credit. Fine write
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interesting how you used a combination of haiku's. So well does this speak of the past of those who have have foughten to protect those that cannot. Beautiful imagery by the way. good write too.
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I like the haiku style that you used. As for flow, it was pretty well done, a little choppy in some areas but haiku's are really hard to flow well. Wonderful poem, great imagery, and thank you very much for sharing this.
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This was a wonderful poem. I'm not well enough versed to say how it does on the haiku front but it does have great meaning to a former warrior. You bring up the pride that soldiers and warriors feel when preparing for battle. Thank you for writing this.
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I am not well versed
at this form of poetry , I'm learning but sorry not really much of a judge but I liked the meaning I drew from it. thanks for sharing -
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ok
I'm learning everyday to be a better poet. U should take on some of the classes here. My daughter is taking one now. There very informative on particular points to address the issue of writing in many forms as well metaphors , personification, and some best teachers I've seen in awhile. Thank u for commenting and critiquing my poem. Saddie23
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wow this is beautiful I love the sorta medieval romance style you have going. Truly a tibute to a warrior! Nice poem
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thank u
I'm glad u liked my poem. Thank u for critiquing and stopping by to read my poem. Saddie23 -
Very illustrative. A dedication to the knights in shinnin armor, eh? almost seems like you were there you wrote it with supernatural intellegence. Harmonious ending, made all the shivalry worth while, great job, congrats, and wonderful poem, I don't think I could have managed a haiku with a tanka twist.
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Very nicely written, this double tanka and haiku. Looks good when all integrated like this - liked the flow, the story it tells and the title for this piece.
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thank u
I'm glad u liked my poem. Thank u for the gracious critique and commenting. Saddie23
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To my mind this isn't a good example of a textbook case of great, well-crafted poetry. However, what it lacks in sublty it more than makes up for in brutal, guttural, ballsy realism. It needs to be cleaned up a bit for misspellings and word choices - and invented words as well - but this poem has one hell of a lot going for it. To me, it's the blue-collar take on war. And it's good. - oce
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Beautiful, no other word for it...It's completely unflawed...Excellent work...
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i like it!!!! it was wonderful keep it up
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Good job I loved it, you just get bits and pieces of waht a warrior does. Excellent work.
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i like this poem,and i like your style of writing. keep it up
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this is a great work, I think you did a wonderful job. I think this is awesome. Keep penning.
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wow this is really good and descriptive. keep writing. I'll look forward to reading anothe
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Whats with all the free space? the rhyme is incosistent. Makes it sound weird. But the imagry is great. Good job over all. very nice write
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Brilliant
I love the blips of images the verses give you. The last two lines were my favorite. Keep up the good work
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this poem was.... interesting in its format. I think there is too much open space, makes it feel odd.
Other than that, I liked the poem. I would like it more if some of the empty space was minimized though. -
Intresting,
caught my attention!
well done
x
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i agree, this was intriguing. i am not good at either form so i will leave that to the experts. thank you for sharing this with me and congratulations on the honorable winner. viyanna rosemarie
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very intriguing one.. though i must admit i could not make out sense out of every stanza...
but the last few lines are kind of passive reference to warriors....
anyway nice poetry.. and new things to learn here about styling...and haiku....
keep it up..best wishes...
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this was intriguing....i've never really understood the Haiku form of poetry....but this was good...i liked the subject and the way it was described...loved the last two lines...the reason for a warrior's life... pretty cool
thanx for sharing
Luv
VidZ
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I love reading this. Wonderful imagery. I am not good at writing this kind of poetry yet still love to read it. Well done.
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beautiful imagery you have here. i am not big of form poetry, not meaning reading it, meaning i can't write it. i do know of the forms but can't write in them but you do very well. may i also say that your font makes this all the more beautiful
be well and be blessed
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thank u
I'm glad u liked my poem. Thank u for the gracious critique and stopping by to read my poem. Saddie23
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instinctives to cherish
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Presented with poignant imagery!
Your conclusion is powerful:
Sacrifice unbroken strive,
Dare to die, that those may live.
Riveting!
Good luck to you!
LRD
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Thank u
Thank u for the gracious critique.
Saddie23
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Hello Saddie23
Wonderful poem you written for this contest! So much emotion and beautiful imagery!!
Really enjoyed the combined form idea! Clever!
I wish you all the best in the contest!
Jasminerose
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Thank u
I'm so moved with the quick response to the gracious critique given on my poem. Thank u for commenting and applaude given here. Saddie23
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This is awesome..love it. Packed with emotion..love the history you slipped with reference to the Navajo (Dine)code talkers!
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Very good and very interesting.
Good imagery and a neat combination.
Good luck in the contest ..Sue
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Thank u
I'm glad u liked my poem. Thank u for the applaude and the critique. Saddie23
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Nice combination here. Powerful imagery.
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Thank you for your wonderful entry...good luck in the contest, Ken IBT
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Thank u
Thank u for the applaudes. Ur contest are so good to preceed many talents,which I'm learning everyday. This a good place to learn. Thank u for the contest and the critique. Saddie23 -
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Thank you so much Saddie23, It is nice to know what you have shared....I would have loved to have given more of a critique to all but work has had me tied down
Hope to see more of your work in our group...have a beautiful day, Ken IBT
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Good Day Saddie23,
Your presentation is most remarkable as it speaks loud and clear of all that have that warrior spirit in heart!
Poignant conclusion!
Good luck to you!
LRD
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Wow
I'm surprised how quick I recieved a comment on my poem. Thank u this means alot to me. Thank u for commenting and critiquing my poem. Saddie23
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Very Interesting
This is an enjoyable read you have written here I believe it is the 1st that I have seen a haiku blended with a tanka. I think they went well togetherMy favorite lines were: "Sacrifice, unbroken strive
Dare to die, that those may live"
Thank you for sharing such an interesting piece with us and best of luck in the contest.
Don
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So, honored
Thank u for the gracious comment and liking my lines. I'm really shocked of the responses. Saddie23
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this is really good! metaphorical
the only line that were confusing were," at
Warriors decode breaker"
"Sacrifice, unbroken strive" *very* powerfull lines.
Best of luck in your contest you've entered. -Tay-
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Thank u
During the war, native Americans decoded messages for the military. Thank u for commenting.Saddie23
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