homeless queuing in front of a trashcan for warmth
as another new york night rains down its apathy in
insults from a window, far above.
he loved her. he knew it. she knew it. but she was young,
and he had no career plans, just another dreamer in new york,
where everyone's a schemer and the apathy rains down like scummy, sooty snow from the windows, smokestacks, and rooftops.
she left him standing there, alone with the receiver, wanting to explain to her but not able to in the middle of his messy living room. He knew he would never see her again. he was just another statistic, another love lost in the apathetic new york night.
the goodbyes were said, the tears, and then he heard it: the finality, the end of everything, the end of them, the end of love in the new york night. he heard an alley cat cry outside, knowing that she was lost too.
he dropped the receiver, slowly, clumsily to the cradle. he stared. he stared in the empty, lightless room, and thought of . . . what?
nothing. there was nothing. just the loss of her, and the lonely cat, and the knowledge of being hopelessly alone in the new york night.
he stared at the dim wall. he was searching, searching for . . . what? for her?
again he stared. his mind was splitting. he could tell. it had happened before. but changing into . . . what?
he didn't know.
eventually, he didn't care.
A contest entry
- x Bring Me To The Depths of Insanity x by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended June 14, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I really like the descriptive detail you use in this but is it poetry or prose that is the question? This tells an engaging story, right through.It's also so very very sad but also very typical. Overall this is well written and I could so empathise with it. Love the ending too!
Thanks for sharing. -
I, Tiki Cat, must say:
That cat in the ally was NOT lost, too. Couldn't have been lost, because no cat ever gets lost.
Hire Tiki Cat
-- "Finder of Lost Cats"
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Oh. This is a very sad tale that you have spun in here.
I like a good story poem and I think that you did a good job with that because I found that I got all caught up in what was going on and I was feeling very sad for him or maybe with him. The only thing that was distracting me was how you were repeating parts and I didn't think that you needed to. But all in all I enjoyed it and I think I'll bookmark it because I would like to come read it again. 
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What A Story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This si quite a story you have written here!!! I used to want to go to New York City, but not so sure anymore.....lol. Nice job here painting a picture for all to easily partake of mentally while going through the journey of this piece. The love, the loss of love and then juts being alone with the loneliness!!! It was like a deafening silence when the goodbyes were said!!! Nice job seemed to flow just righ. Must be your niche, writing short stories!!!Thanks for sharing!!!~~Toni~~
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Have read it, mine is the second comment, should I write it in Chinese? Di
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another good one but of course thank you for entering into the contest and for hsaring your insanities! So to speak..
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Hi, like it, how about adopting that cat? mine reads me like a book and knows my moods, we have great respect for each other, nice write, hugs Di
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Wow. This is interesting. So much emotion is conveyed in such intensity. Loss, pain, anguish, and helplessness are all felt. A strong emotional write. Well done.
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How's the title racist? o.O Maybe I'm too naive to get it...
Seems like less of a poem and more of a story. Interesting read, regardless. -
Your imagery is very strong... and the expression of feelings very honest.... as if you were actually there... very.. intense.. expressions..
i very much liked the way you end it... eventually, he didn't care....
I would say quite different from usual poetry and extreme intense, strong and honest!
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The title does have racist implications, and you're probably turning-off a lot of readership by that title. The poem doesn't speak of racism to any degree to my reading, so it's that I can't even quite understand the titling.
Overall, it's a good write, though probably more prose than poem. But I did enjoy the read.
Jo -
I like the poem, but the title is sort of racist.
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