Within our eyes shine light,
rising deep from our soul,
which allows happiness.
Look into the black eyes,
showing the sorrowed life,
for they hold the truth.
Men around campfires,
telling tales of the world
before there ever was,
were black at creation
in the likeness of God.
Rulers of the desert,
formed from the soil of life,
split up and spread far out.
Life is but restlessness,
death never will happen.
Those that still remain,
living among the white,
are warriors of truth.
Original people.
Author notes
First poem written in quite a while. I do enjoy this piece. I believe its hidden message is incredibly important, yet few will see it.
A contest entry
- Awaken my Mind by Silent Cougar.
950 points, ended May 28, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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I liked the meaning behind this, but it just didn't 'wow' me.
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Within our eyes shine light,
rising deep from our soul,
Some parts of this piece of work do not flow as well as they could.
Eg in these two lined I might suggest that you replace rising deep from our soul with rising deep inside our soul.
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Men around campfires,
telling tales of the world
before there ever was,
were black at creation
and use a litttle more originality in your words...use more synonyms. for egsample,
Man around campfires,
telling fables of the world,
before any dark and light,
were at infinite creation.
Just my opinion.
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Sorry if this sounds mean
Its really a beautiful poem
Try putting a little more of yourself into it
Keep it up
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this is really good
cant pick out a favorite line because each line has something uniqe(or however you spell it) about them
good job
. Rewarded 4
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I'm not sure what it is about. If I were to guess I would say that it is how mankind can make up false stories on the mysteries in life.
"Men around campfires,
telling tales of the world
before there ever was,
were black at creation
in the likeness of God."
Not entirely backed up about my thought. Good poem though -
good work
very good poem! nicely sad, nice rythme! for it being a while you did one hell of a job! -
Great peice everytime you read it you get something new out of it
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This was beautiful and amazing. Your words were perfect in their choice. This is really good. I love the imagery that you used. great poem.
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Different
This poem is different and something that one has to read more than once to understand the full meaning a very different poem to most that you read here. Thank You for posting it. Good Luck -
There is so much hidden depth in this piece.So many takes that you can have on it.Gives me so much to think about.Every line gives me a new perspectve on it.Makes me wonder what feelings others can envoke into this piece too.Any ways I like it and hope to read more of your work,good luck on the contest and I know I will keep reading this one until my mind works it to death!
. Rewarded 8
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I think this magical bag of writing will have different gifts for different readers...Each will gain a gift from the reading of this piece...It suits so many situations.
A very good write. Thank you for sharing.
Soulful Woman -
Sadly, I have not deciphered the hidden message. I do really like this poem, though. Even if people may not find the hidden message, the words of the poem still greatly speak out. It's one of those poems that are just...different, ya know? lol. My favorite line was:
Look into the black eyes,
showing the sorrowed life,
for they hold the truth.
Well, keep up the good work!
-Lord Abortion -
im affraid i could not see the hidden message, shame but nevermind, even without seeing it i enjoyed your peom ever so much and it was such a pleasure to read.
I must also add that where you wrote
'in the likeness of God.
Rulers of the desert,
formed from the soil of life,
split up and spread far out. '
I just loved that part. I loved the way it described mankind so well.
Amazing poem, Great Poet!
Keep up the good work!
. Rewarded 8
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Very revealing, and an honest jest!
I wonder whether, if arriving from the dark, what we know to be the truth still remains to be a truth, or is it a truth just left yet to be revealed to us ... and when, when in search of the light of it, we eventually stumble upon it... Will we be the ones who will be willing to lay down all that we presently hold to be true, to embrace it?
I love the way that you write... Keep it up! Great job on this writing... You have a special talent... as you make the reader think, and give them new eyes... " Of hope! "
~ James ~
. Rewarded 8
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good job
".........hidden message ......."
i intended to read it several times for the hidden meaasage
but
yeah, we all trace back to africa
bow, i seen some dna sequencing articles, albeit on a newspaper level
i never heard it mewntioned that the first was black
but, not to matter
i like your imagery,
the context of your work
but
".....living among the white......"
is this a black white thing
as in, oriental, eastern european, native american, etc
it's one world / one peace
great read
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my eyes have long shown death and rotting . so this particular piece only depressed me more haha . but it was amazing - truly well written the title and the last line couldn't have been anything else . thank you so much for the read and for goodness sake keep penning !
i look forward to reading more
glass fingers
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This was a good read. A lot of emotion here. I am glad I found this poem. Well good and keep up the good writing.
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Everyone seems something that suits them in these lines - your message is that they are free to interpret it as they see fit. Liked the flow and the story told in these lines/ We all have out own opinion of creation and how the world and peoples came to be.
. Rewarded 6
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Very good
This poem is powerful because it allows for several different interpretations. The word choice is good as well, and it really just sort of made me stop for a minute and think. I like poems that do that. Keep up the good work. -
To me this seems like a tribute to people of African descent. The scientists now say that humans evolved in Africa so that part fits. I like the scene of the humans huddling around campfires, in prehistory, telling tales of the origin of the world for the first time. By 'death will never happen" do you mean that people in general will never die out, or that the race of Africans will never die out? Or do you mean something different? That, I did not understand.
But I really like the poem. -
This makes me think of Africa. That is my first impression of this piece. Maybe it is because I have done a lot of work with Africa and her people. I don't know.
Anna -
I believe you are going to get different takes on your hidden meaning. Light must have dark, day and night one must have the other to survive. Good write thanks for sharing your work.
Jen -
I really liked this poem, a lot!!
"Within our eyes shine light,
rising deep from our soul,
which allows happiness"
You speak of telling the truth, and that is what this poem does. It speaks the truth and touches the reader. great job on this one!
. Rewarded 6
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someone's truth
creative statement . . I especially like the "warriors of truth" element . . simple statements yet they have impact . . nice write . . -
Every once in a while you stumble across something that just seems to pierce your inner heart and soul… that is what I have found in this piece here. Your words hold an intensity that speaks for itself. Very nice work! Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to you. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use.
♥ Touchof1der -
Life is but restlessness; that was my favorite line , Im not really sure exactly why but it stuck out to me . This was a unique and insightful piece . undoubtedly personal and important to you . thank you so much for sharing .
Keep penning
glass fingers -
Those that still remain,
living among the white,
are warriors of truth.
Original people.
Hey.. ia am sure uyou are one amongst the originalpeople..what a depth and what a beauty is seen in this verser of your s my friend...taking me to the deep of the concept even without tiring me as well..I can see the beauty of the thought and the touch of the life in the words here bringing a kind of the curiosity through your poetry here.. well done..
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AND yang would be hollow fire without yin, yin would have no identity without yang and the cycle would continue, those who remember the true cycle would be graced with likeness of immortality with the planet... there is a scientific experiment, called the secret message in water, and it shows crystal formations that appear from different messages, from happiness shows a complete beautiful crystal, from unhappiness however would not be complete chaos as you might get from hollow hate, for three sides of the hexagram would remain intact and still beautiful, as to rise in the wave one must ride the darkness...
I believe you message leads to ideas of knowledge and would not discriminate against white or black people, for the inner light is prizmed upon a circled rainbow, complete and union...
anyheys nice inspiring write here my friend keep up the good work...
w peanuts and beer -jas
. Rewarded 8
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wow....nice hidden message...loved this piece too, thought that it was a little thought provoking and really original and very creative
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In the Beginning...
There was an original black race created in God's image. The hidden message I see is that God is a black man; the black race's truth seen within black eyes (suffering) is about racism and discrimination. Original People. Well done, my friend. Good luck in this contest!!! Peace ~ Rose of Ireland 
. Rewarded 6
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pure wisdom.....
This is just genius, and I see the message within, well my interpretation is that, in times past, Native Americans were free to live life as it was meant to be, one with Mother Earth and Nature. Now, torn from the land that was thiers by the grace of god, living among blind eyes, those who are too afraid to open them and see the light. Warriors of truth will always come to the fore, and show the true way of life, that which we need to follow. This is going straight to the top of the pile of entries so far my friend. Thank you.
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