Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Perhaps

 

 

 

            YOU

            stir/swirl the ocean of me,

            and disturb all my [secret] fantasies;

            [hush...hush...hush]

            they fizz and froth to the surface,

            desperately yearning to break free

 

            And I am in fear,

            not only of you,

            but the passions

            you invoke;

            dark desires

            that have been latent,

            gathering unyielding wrappings

            from society's cold compress

            of comfort

 

            (Save me,

            save me from

            dreams and delusions

            that haunt and linger

            through refracted

            bruised air bubbles,

            as I wait inside the

            husk of me,

            in an imagined reality

            at the bottom of my

            ocean)

 

            Yet I know we are bound,

            but still the fear overtakes me;

            that perhaps I'm not the woman

            they've always led me to believe,

            or perhaps i am.

 

 

 

In a list

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Floorboards
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    nice one.

    this is great, i felt like i was underwater, thought provoking stuff janice! well done again me fine friend,
    Alex.


  • wendyann
    May 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Not sure really what to say, it's a bit deep for me.
    My writings are a lot different, more siplified


  • arafura gold member
    May 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    perhaps you are...!

    I really enjoyed this poem. Some vivid imagery evoked by your choice of words.

    Loved the passage, "perhaps I'm not the woman they've always led me to believe, or perhaps I am".

    Well done!


  • letters to no one
    May 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Was this written initially to be a song?

    The layout is like one of a song. 'Twould be very diffiecult to sing though....


  • Sonofdead
    May 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like it. It took me a little while to understand, but when I started skipping stuff, it was a very nice poem. Thank you.

  • pruedence
    May 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Love is a wonderful thing..and your words have captured this feeling of love...how one can make you feel with their love given so dearly...well done, thanks for sharing

  • Eusebius
    May 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    A well done write! finely honed language...a lover's quandry...I liked it muchly (I think the poem would be much improved without the brakets and parenthesis, it detracts from the flow of the poem)... bravo bravo...bravo...


  • capricornpoet
    May 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    of being

    Evoking and inspiring poem , of love and passion hidden and found , but uncertainty dwells in the soul.
    I enjoyed this lovely poetic verve, metaphores and images flowed with the verses as a brook trickles and meanders , hesitating along its unsure path.


  • Master Anarchy
    May 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Perhaps I will [tell you/what i thunk]

    Long time, no read.
    --------------------
    CAPITAL BEGINNING .. (*eyebrows shoot toward 3rd eye*) !!

    Aaah: the acustomed enigmas of sjUK's Engl/ish grammar [variations]. { !!@?? }
    ---------------
    CC's : you can say no !! Nice alliteration and reference.
    -----------------
    The swerved parentheses work well here, thanks to the context of the 1st stanza.
    ------------
    'refraction bruised' might be more >impactive<./~?
    ---------@-@-------
    The last two lines: surely the last should stand alone? And the penultimate terminate in a period, so as to read as a definite, even fatalistic, statement?
    ------------
    As susual, I admire your mode of expression, and found weighting of thought/feeling lay in wait beyond the door of "Perhaps I'll give this one a read."

  • mcheadle
    May 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    very interesting

    one should never doubt themself. no one knos you better than you. trouble will arise when this happens, one gets into situations where theynever need to be. little something to think about little one. your write was very good. doube is a seed best never planted.


  • Stevie17Marie
    May 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    what an excellent write well done . Had a lot of emotion and sent out a message well to me it did i dont know bout anyone else but you did a great!!! job keep up the good work

    stevie


  • individuality gold member
    May 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ah fear, it is a good thing i feel, though obviously frigthening it teaches us new ways, how different angles can be walked along - a good poem. we are who we are, an ever changing swirling mass of emotional highs and lows


  • La Luna Rosa
    May 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    'And I am in fear,
    not only of you,
    but the passions
    you invoke;'

    Perhaps, 'but of the passions'...?

    Well phrased, and a rather strong sense of rhythm.

    'through refracted
    bruised air bubbles,
    as I wait inside the
    husk of me,'

    Best lines.

  • Napoet
    May 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    What passion

    This is very good, and extremely passionate. You certainly are gifted...keep up the good work!!


  • KissMeGoodnight
    May 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow! this is gorgeous! i LOVE the water! and this is beautiful!
    'they fizz and froth to the surface'
    amazing! such imagery! powerful, fantastic write!!!
    {you should read some of my poetry, you may be inspired and then can enter my contest!}

1 - 15 of 15