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Into The Night

Missing image


 

My world was such a shining place
a happy hopeful dreamy place,
laughter filled most every day
now it has all been flushed away.

Smiles and giggling in heavy air
audible from almost everywhere,
now laughter has been locked away
tears and regrets moved in to stay.

When did that fateful moment arrive
dreams disappearing before my eyes,
I loved him with my heart and soul
but never achieved becoming whole.

My heart has been aching ever since
many years wasted I am convinced,
the current was too strong to fight
so I say my goodbyes into the night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Charity Ann
    February 13, 2008

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    Very sad...The photo is good for the tone of this poem. My favorite part was "My world was such a shining place, a happy hopeful dreamy place, laughter filled most every day now it has all been flushed away." I also enjoyed your easy rhymes. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    February 8, 2008

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    This is a really great write, and I love the picture. The one thing I would recommend is the second line be changed. You really shouldn't rhyme with the same word as the first line. Even with that it is still an excellent write. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • Never Fall in Love
    August 5, 2007
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    Hmm...
    I liked this peice, to be honest.
    Though, I think it could have gone deeper, into darkness and not just the feeligns of solitude. Probably a little longer too. What I do love is your rhyme and flow. Add in to that - your word choice. They were great, almost leaving me aching to go much deeper.

    Good Luck
    NeveR ♥


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    July 25, 2007

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    excellent~

    From smiles and laughter to tears and aching
    Sad,and somewhat poignant as you did love him once with your heart and soul...
    Best of luck in the contest....this is a winner in my book
    I got up a newbie too do drop by
    Love ya
    Your sis
    Susan~~~


  • NotAMolly
    June 6, 2007

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    This is a good poem. It is a good contrast to the poem that I just read a minute ago, about all the hope and love and such that you talk about once having. Yours is full of such sadness, I am guessing regret over having wasted years with someone that wasn't "right" or something. The flow was pretty good, except the last line was bumpy. Maybe make it "So I say goodbye into the night" that way it doesn't stick on the tounge when read outloud. Great work!


  • trytothink
    May 29, 2007
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    Great!!!Good luck!


  • Lady-Pegasus
    May 24, 2007

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    most certainly dark and sad, well expressed and with a wonderful flow and rhyming, (except for the first couplet where you used the same word verses a rhyme, maybe make L1 be "My world was filled with shining grace" Just a thought!)
    The overall imagery is wonderful and even injects a touch of tenderness that simply makes this piec shine, well done! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e


  • superstition
    May 18, 2007

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    A powerful poem of lost love, hope, and dreams, so much so that the darkness has taken over even within the light. It's almost scary how much somebody else can change you without even trying to do just that. Somebody else can turn you into your shadow...your other side...in no time if things don't go the way you had hoped and planned on. Excellent writing...strong words and again, an amazing ending! I love how you close out your poems lately!


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    May 18, 2007

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    Goodness this is awesome. Very revealing and full of deep emotion and seemingly a new awareness. Very well done. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

    Jeannie


  • queen Moderators member
    May 17, 2007

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    This would make a great song Well done


  • Desire gold member
    May 17, 2007

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    Wow!!

    Brilliant piece You have penned and it raised the hairs on the back of my neck
    Oy!!

    Powerful with emotions and images!
    Magnificent!

    Did I say I loved this piece

    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~

1 - 11 of 11