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Burning Bush

The word on the street is you've taken leave of your senses
You've been stepping on cracks and breaking down fences
An' riding around in an old Cadillac
Some said you'd never come back
As I lean from my window and keep vigil each night
Just in case you might drive by and see me in my plight
I've got one hand on a mirror in the other a blade
I'd take my own life but I'm deathly afraid...

Let me ask you one question O child of the night
If it's hot in the city who hunts you out of sight
Do they speak for you now these shadows of men
Who speak in dark whispers of wills they can bend
As they trace pentagrams in the air with one hand
Holding onto their women they control and command
So tell me sweet child where are your dreams?
Are they covered and smothered by your stifled screams.

I have heard you pray without asking these questions
How they've become all consuming and burning obsessions
Yet for myself I never knew how to pray
Doesn't matter to me at all any old way
For the burning truth only makes it harder somehow
It's just another sacrificial sacred cow.

And we are all so small in comparison I suppose
Like the stars we reflect back all the pain so it goes
As this city swallows all at a push
Catching all on the run  towards that old burning bush...

Author notes

we turned our questions into burning obsessions

words & music by D E Barnett

option# 13. lyrics "Lycan lore, wholesome whore, breatheren bred, bloody bed!"

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Whisper Trinity
    July 20, 2007

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    Beautiful

    I have to agree with Soten I love the lines:

    I've got one hand on a mirror in the other a blade
    I'd take my own life but I'm deathly afraid...

    This was a great poem, good luck in the contest.


  • Soten-Jaganshi
    July 20, 2007

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    I've got one hand on a mirror in the other a blade
    I'd take my own life but I'm deathly afraid...

    Much love for that line!

    I LOVE THIS!!!! the rhyme and the flow and everything was just utterly PERFECT. the only think i request is that you put your name in the author's box please.


  • Poetdontknowit
    June 25, 2007

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    LIKE IT

    Very awesome vocabulary ya got going on here in this grand piece of poetic royalty. It's the berries! sweet
    POETDONTKNOWIT


  • Foxydaze14
    June 19, 2007
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    Great beginning and great ending. This is a good piece, a little rough in some parts but I like it.

  • Nicole Hanna
    June 13, 2007

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    I didn't even realize this was supposed to be a rhyming piece until the last couplet of the first stanza. Generally, when that happens, I believe it's due to uneven meter and syllabic count that's way off from line to line. This was entered in a lot of contests, so I don't know if it's inspired by the lyrics contest (which excuses syllabic count in rhyme, since the performance aspect of lyrics is what will make or break a piece). But really, aside from that nitpick, this was an ejoyable piece of writing. The last stanza specifically is what I loved about this piece. I could have read just those four lines and been a happy camper.

  • skaldkraft
    June 12, 2007

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    Good beginning. Repetition, if not done to excess, can add emotional intensity and increase the musicality of the poem. The progression from one line, from one thought, to another was good. Your description of your emotions made me feel it. Your expression was wonderfully dark. Keep belting out your song in thought with challenging words and phrases.

    “The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
    "The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--that's all."--Lewis Caroll



  • Abidoodle333
    June 11, 2007
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    ooh, really great write
    I loved it!
    Abidoodle


  • renizzle
    June 4, 2007

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    This is a really great poem. I love the clever use of words. I'm not sure if it really fits the option though.


  • Ativan
    June 1, 2007

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    You have some interesting content but your biggest problem is being wordy. Can you say the same thing with half the words? The beauty of poetry is that simplicity can create a large impact. You seem to have some talent and I suggest you should really work on this piece. Perhaps you can make it into something greater? Just idea- it wasn't bad Good luck
    -Ativan


  • BenziRae
    May 17, 2007

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    O.O Woah. This was so good it creeped me out.

    I've got one hand on a mirror in the other a blade
    I'd take my own life but I'm deathly afraid...

    I love thios line.
    Best of luck

    Abbers

1 - 10 of 10