As I see his sword cut through flesh
I feel like words are meaningless
Cause I feel the same urge to test myself
To know how strong I really am
I wrap this desire into my fist
And wait for a victim who's victimless
I'm truly a pathetic mess
When I'm at my best
I only hate myself
I'll never spread these deformed hands
A pain thats eats my dreams
So I submerse my eyes in my queen
Forgetting my part in this chromatic scene
Wearing these matching scars is the proof
That I'll never understand
Who or what I am
So don't mark me
With an unbearable irony
I am unevenly divided by my consciousness
Affecting my quick resolve
With a wound for everything
I look to cause sympathy
To suffice for a lack of praise
A fault that leaves a stain
Dyed into my spent frame
But the worst pain
Is knowing I can't do this
If I am only a vessel
That can live at the cost of a kill
Names are almost meaningless
They don't reflect their owners face
Just another note for my memory to misplace
If I lure you in
Into my sins
Will Understand,
The cards I have left in this hand
That I never had a chance
Author notes
i gues this is just about me and how i feel sick at the fact that i can releate to all the violent fiction I have been exposing myself to
A contest entry
- Awaken my Mind by Silent Cougar.
950 points, ended May 28, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
sorry forgot these
-
i really enjoyed this
it shows a lot of violence in the way you write, i used to feel the same thing, day by day looking at it everywhere, knowing exactly how a killer feels, and wondering if that is what i am inside, it makes you miserable to think of yourself as a tool of malice and hate, but trust me in the end, there is something much greater inside, dive deep, and find that inner sanctuary -
GreaT job
Very deep
Awesome write
Abidoodle
-
now this is very very good! i most enjoyed what i was able to extrapulate from your thoughts with your second and last stanzas! Overall, this is a very great and enjoyabled read that i have been so fortunate to have happenend across! this is very sad and yet it seems you have subtly shaken our thoughts of other people in our lives as well as our own lives as well! i have to say.... you really really did a bang up writing job on this one!!!!!!!!!!
-
Powerful!!
I'll never spread these deformed hands
A pain thats eats my dreams
So I submerse my eyes in my queen
Forgetting my part in this chromatic scene
Wearing these matching scars are the proof
That I'll never understand
Who or what I am
So don't mark me
With an unbearable irony
This is a deep powerful write, I am glad it crossed my path, great work friend!
-
maybe this contest did you well, as it has me. it has woken your own mind to think, and here you have placed your deepest thoughts. some lines made me think also, ref: the lives taken without names being in the picture, or cards left in hands telling who, when where and why. an open minded write my friend, well done.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
