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I Miss You

Girl I miss you I can’t stop thinking about you.

Since we have been a part I can’t sleep a night because I really love you.

Girl it is hard trying to do work on things because you’re always on my mind.

Like you are on my top of thing's to talk about to the guy's.

I was always charming to you and sweet to you it’s like these thing's are hard to find in  boy's . so why don’t you just give me.

One more chance I will not let you down again like.

I did the first time we were to together.

I can do a lot better than the first we were going out.

my poem

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Comments


  • movedon
    May 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. It's honest and just out there. I think is should be I Miss you, not Mess. Well done

    Mylee


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    May 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    WELCOME TO ALLPOETRY !

    A nice poem of yearning to try a relationship again. You imagery was very nice, but I think you need some punctuation so that it reads better.
    Keep penning

    If you need any help here at AP please don't hesitate to contact myself or any other online Greeter. We are always willing to help
    Gaylene


  • Frodofan silver member
    May 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Typo in the title.

    Your commenting on your own stuff? That's sad.

    This doesn't feel like a poem. It feels like a ramble. It doesn't seem like you put much thought into line breaks, flow, or anything - you just spilled and, honestly, it's not that interesting.

    Don't IM random people to get comments, try the shameless promotion or join groups, feature, etc. OR comment on OTHER peoples writing and they might return the favor.


  • Carramao21
    May 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    that's a great poem