I have seen many things and maybe that’s why I hate every thing I see
I have seen rich grow fat in mansions of stone and steel set high upon hills they giggle at the dirty faces of the poor
there medicine cabinets filled with pills to ignore the demons of past years
I have seen the skeletons of men living with the ghosts of ounce beautiful girls in cold water flats at midnight
cry out in sorrow for they have nothing but ask for just what they need and get nothing for there pain the pitiful cries hall on deaf ears in the halls of government
Author notes
not done it well fell out of me will finish soon
A contest entry
- Stream Of Consciousness by polly filla.
525 points, ended May 18, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - \rain on me/ [[ .make.tears .fall.from.my.eyes ]] by autumns rising.
1000 points, ended May 18, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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no doubt this is good, but not exactly what I am looking for so soorrry, good luck though
-scarlet dame -
that's cool; add as you like, as long as the contest is open, you can edit your poem. I'm not a stickler for restrictions; although, keep in mind, I'm looking for a splurge, not a overly-thought/wrung out piece.
A couple of picky bits...'there medicine cabinets' should be 'their medicine cabinets', and 'ounce beautiful girls' should be 'once beautiful girls' Spelling is important.
that said, a very interesting beginning to a stream' but it's not long enough for me yet...it's like a good base for something, but you're not expanding your ideas, and letting your mind tumble about within the statements you imagine. keep going
thanks for entering!
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