Shaking

shaking in fear, i have been all night
trying to discover,while under the covers
how i really feel about this all, how i really feel about this all
and here i lie in waiting
opening my arms
stuck in this shadow dance and maze
not knowing where to turn
not knowing where to turn

so help me
(I'm fighting for the answer)
i need to make a decision
lives are in the balance
i'm not ready for the consequences,
(please help me)
still i urge for you to awaken
from this demon's trance

what will happen,
what will happen?
i don't know
where will this take me? where will my life go?
and here i lie in waiting, waiting with open arms
hoping you'll come take me from this undying harm
i hold fast
onto what i cling to,
and i know it just ain't right
to still fathom
(how)
how i can partake and not intake
(a little)

a little without my heart
    cause its glassy and ready to break
(so ripped at the seems, as rigged as life may be)
still i grasp
reaching out
holding onto
(what? you or the past?)
holding onto
what
what i can

i still lie here
here in waiting with my open arms
and i still think
...that there must be some way

for these lives not to be hung in the balance
(what have i done)
of my silent thoughts....
(its time to admit the exact nature of my wrongs)
still i love...

no more being absent minded,
falling away from clouded thoughts-
so long to childhood trials-
big problems are what i've got