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It's far too late

I don't believe I have the words
To make this regret go away

Nothing will lessen the pain
of not seeing you again

I should have known you were hurt
The light was too soft in your eyes
and even when you pushed me away
I should have pushed back

I was supposed to be your friend
but I wasn't there when you needed me.
It must have seemed like I didn't care.

I'm so sorry I wasn't by you
When you heard the angels sing
and you stepped through the gates

I know I'll never be forgiven.
I took you for granted
No apology will ever make
what I did right

All I had to do was listen
but I was deaf to your cries
I'm so sorry that I didn't see your pain
it should have been so clear

Dear God it should have been me who died
Why take someone loved by everyone?
Now I'll never be forgiven
because I should have been there
to say goodbye to him

It's far too late now
till the end I'll pray
and be sorry that I wasn't there
I don't deserve to see him
when I come to my end.

Author notes

I wrote this for a guy i loved very dearly. He was a wonderful friend. I believe we would still be together if death hadn't torn us apart. I will never know if he hates me for not being there the day he died. So always tell the one you love how much you care everyday because you never know what will happen tomorrow.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • cazzy71
    June 12
    Edit | Reply

    I am crying

    Beautiful constructed,Its left me tearful.Dramatic.Work of genius.3 cheers.

  • MusicMattnessLives
    February 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. amazing. i love how you love this person so much you would have replaced their death. god thats amazing. good luck and good write.


  • Violent Glass
    February 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    you cant blame yourself for not seeing his pain
    we're very good at hiding it
    and our screams for help are no more then a whisper
    you have to be looking hard and listening intently.
    but who wants to believe someone they love holds so much pain. they dont so no one really sees the pain
    you cant blame yourself
    and even though you never saw his pain i dont believe he blames you
    but appreciates the love you had for him
    and the time you spent with him
    and loves you for every time you helped him smile a real smile, laughed a real laugh, and made him truly happy
    aven if it was just for a few moments
    thanx for entering my contest

  • Violent Glass
    February 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you cant blame yourself for not seeing his pain
    we're very good at hiding it
    and our screams for help are no more then a whisper
    you have to be looking hard and listening intently.
    but who wants to believe someone they love holds so much pain. they dont so no one really sees the pain
    you cant blame yourself
    and even though you never saw his pain i dont believe he blames you
    but appreciates the love you had for him
    and the time you spent with him
    and loves you for every time you helped him smile a real smile, laughed a real laugh, and made him truly happy
    aven if it was just for a few moments
    thanx for entering my contest


  • Cherie Elise
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i've felt this for the people i have lost. its so hard knowing you could of been the one instead.
    well done!


  • Atrophya
    January 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    isnt that the truth. im sorry for your loss, i sort of know how this feels in some instances and in others, i dont.

    may he r.i.p.

    beautiful write.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    January 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my dear... such regret... such sadness. Your loved one would forgive you, I'm sure he knew you loved him!
    Very emotional write.. touched me!


  • karma-n-peace
    January 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can say with absolute 100% certainty that your loved one has forgiven you, he does know your pain and regret.
    He see's you holding on to that and I promise you he wants you to let go, you don't need to punish yourself for being human and not being able to see into the future.
    When people cross over it is not about the would have should have or could have's, that don't hold onto resentments, it's a time of learning and healing.
    The only time people who have 'died' stay angry or have resentments toward others is when they refuse to cross over and their negative feelings hold them here.
    In those cases ( which really are quite rare) they become what we know as ghosts or poltergiests.
    I lost my husband and since have done a lot of research and studies on after life and Angels ect...

    You need to forgive yourself and accept that you are no more powerful than the rest of human kind and cannot be mistake proof or to read people's minds lol.

    Your poem touched me deeply and I can relate so closely to this that it was like reading my own thoughts.
    Thank you for sharing this and keep writing, it does help. ( besides that your good at it!)

    Blessings~


  • XXCrimsonRaineXX
    January 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    an emotional outpouring

    wow. this is an excellent poem. i love all of the raw emotion and pain that flows out of this. i'm sorry for the loss. and the way you must feel.


  • ThatONEweirdChick
    December 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm..
    Well. Was it really your fault that you were not there? I dunno but it sounds to me like you're being overly critical of yourself. I mean it's not like it was your choice to have that person pass without you being there. How do you know that they hate you anyway, I just want to know how you could know that..
    But anyway, this is a great poem with lots of emotion, great flow. Thanks for entering.


    • Sia
      January 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Sorry

      I cant remember if i answered you back, but i guess i can explain. It was the day before school let out for christmas and i waited for him where i always did but he never showed up. He emailed me after he got out of the hospital and said that we should break up so in case anything did happen to him it would be easier on me. So we parted ways, i didnt see or hear from him again till 2 months later,and he wouldnt even look at me. I was so hurt that i was to scared to visit him the next time he went to the hospital. Then when i heard he was gone i felt like i had betrayed him. I dont know if i could ever fully portray the way i felt, but in my time of grief i came to a realization. He never wanted us to break up, he only wanted to see if i would stay by him, and i was too blind to see. He would never answer my emails when i asked him personal question and i know if i had gone to see him i would know how he felt. He's gone, breaking up didnt lessen my pain it just made me regret everyday i walk this earth and now i will never know. I dont know if this helps you to understand, but at least i can say i tryed.


  • DesolatELifE
    December 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a very emotional poem, and I like
    'No apology will ever make
    what I did right'
    a lot. thank you for entering.


  • parntsoftwins
    December 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is absolutly beautifully written. I am sorry for your loss and the pain and guilt you feel over it. I offer my deepest sympathies. This fit my contest well and I thank you for entering it.

  • Matthew-Parry
    December 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Good Job!!!

    This is a relatable right that is full of emotion. But the requirements for entry into this contest are specified for personified literature only. Your poem was lacking the element of personification. To become that which is farthest from you is to gain new perspectives of visualizing this reality. I could not grasp this vital essence of this contest in your entry. Thank You for submitting this write!!! Good Luck in this event!!!

    Matt

    Your Score:

    Title:9.5
    Theme:5.5
    Flow:8
    Depth:8.5
    Feelings:10
    Grammar:10
    Presentation:6.3
    Uncommonness:7
    Sit & Ponder Affect:5
    Ability to Follow Rules:5
    TOTAL:74.8

    Good Job!!!


  • Simply a Memory
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Sad reality

    we will never be able to replace lost loved ones, but their memories are never lost, I connect with this one personally. Just recently I lost one of my ex's in a car accident, the last thing I'd ever said to him was "I never loved you and I never want to see you again" then two months later I learned the news. I felt horrible. I love this because I no longer feel so alone. Thank you for entering and good luck.
    ~Stormy~


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    November 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I know exactly how you feel, but it was with the one I love. I just should... Shouldn't have done something. You know, I don't know what would've helped and I suppose in all honesty whatever you would've done may not have worked anyway. Just be glad you spend time with the person, I'm trying to believe in that sentiment myself. I'm trying to teach myself to just think about the good memories.


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    October 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    thank you for this wonderful entry into my make me feel something contest. i am wishing you the best of luck in all your future writings and in this contest of mine as well. viyanna rosemarie


  • TheLostGirl
    October 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    You have great ideas and I think that you knew what you wanted it to say and how it flowed. the only thing is that it ssemed like at times it wanted to rhyme but didnt I think this is a great start and you have talent if you work on this some or have another you want to enter feel free thanks for entering.


  • edit my world.
    August 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is so sad.
    It always sucks when the last things you say to a person before they go is something stupid. Or you get into an argument. And it just hurts that you need to apologize for not being there. And you just feel like you dont deserve anything from them.
    This was a great piece of writing! Thank you so much for entering. ^_^
    <3Dani


  • xXxtyxXx
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    haha

    i think this poem is great and i can relate to this alot you are a vary good writer so try and make some more lol i really enjoy reading yours...


  • Northern Raven
    June 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This poem portrays a great deal of sadness and regret which I think many people can relate too when it comes to losing a loved one from their life for what ever reason. While guilt and self pity is also a part of those devastating feelings, I think this poem concentrates too much on them and I would have liked to know more of the reasoning behind the guilt other than merely not listening or not seeing that something was wrong. It is common place for us as human beings, to tend to ignore what in under our noses and hind sight is a wonderful thing from which we can all learn. While the focus of this poem is obviously guilt and self pity I think the sentiments expressed are too repetitive and personal to sustain the interest of many readers. The poem does allow issues to be aired that we all experience though, which will allow readers to see that they are not alone with such feelings in similar circumstances, and I see that as a positive thing.

    A few errors that could be put right to improve the reading of this piece are, in line 5 “know” should be known, in line 9 “suppose” should be supposed, and capitalisation of “i” would look better in my view.

    Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.

    Northern Raven


  • McFairy
    May 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I loved this, I really did, one of the biggest mistakes made is that when people push you away you let them, when it's not what they actually want, I know personally that I push people away to see if they push back, really silly actually but something that I do. Thanks for entering my contest!!!

    ***Strangeangel***

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