Can't you see the throng is gathering?
awaken now or else you'll miss it.
Screaming kids and wailing women,
gathered on the grey, cold stone.
Here he comes, the entertainer,
quick now or you're going to miss it.
look how nicely he is dressed,
his tools of trade gleaming, gleaming.
Oh look now, all the crowd fall silent,
Hurry hurry, come and see.
we see him, he is centre stage,
about to start the final act.
Can you see it? Can you hear it?
sun-flashed metal blinds your eyes,
Lift the child, learn the lesson,
as the scream cuts the air.
The hand it falls into the dust,
the child he screams then passes out,
his misdemeaners shame him, blame him.
the crowd disperses...did you see?
are you awake?
..are you awake now?
A contest entry
- Awaken my Mind by Silent Cougar.
950 points, ended May 28, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
This is sad, not something I would jump out of bed for. To tell tale of a poor child, amputated for thier act of theft, nah, not a rising work to me, more of a put me to sleep.
although it has a great image and an even stronger message, and has been written extremely well, It isn't what I'm looking for. Zzzzz....Zzzzzz...... -
-
Sorry Mike,
was something I was feeling strongly about having just read an article....maybe not what you were looking for, I agree the imagery is disturbing and not very tasteful...but isn't that true of life? these things do happen, we have to accept that...too many people spend the whole time with their head in the sand, blind to what goes on in the world. Not saying you do, but part of the poem was about being blinded to it, being asleep to the realities of extreme living in the world.... I will be more lighthearted next time....maybe
-
-
Please, there is no need to say sorry. I do like this piece for its hard hitting way of wakening up sleeping minds, blind to what goes on in the real world, hidden from view to millions. Some of us walk with our eyes wide open, some of us bump into things. This was and is a great piece, but at this time, not what I was looking for. and yes, I did put Zzzz...'s after my first comment, I was sleeping. But only for the contest, I say what I feel, and I am sure you would not put me down for that, and as for your more giggly side, I am sure a laugh or two will be shared soon.
-
-
-
What an exceptional amount of detailed imagery you have created to wrap the mind around and the metaphors you have used here are pure genius. Truly this is one of the more interesting pieces of art I have seen written on Allpoetry that I have enjoyed it to the fullest. This is quite masterfully penned!
♥ Touchof1der
-
-
Thanks very much for the comment, I am very flattered *blushes*
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
