I once had wings; they burst and grew
Each time I was so light i flew
I scattered feathers soft to land
With these gentle tender child hands
I sailed on silk through open skies
Felt heavens twist around my thighs
And sprinkled bliss upon the sand
With these gentle tender child hands
I sang laughter in empty streets
Flickered freedom with skyclad fleets
Whistled whilst the dark would expand
With these gentle tender child hands
Now later on, I’ve found I’ve aged
Where there were wings, are shoulder blades
And every dream, carelessly canned
With these gentle tender child hands
Author notes
I have been trying different forms at the moment this one is a Kyrielle, in which each line within the poem consists of only eight syllables each stanza has 4 lines.... one of those is a repeating line which is at the end of each stanza
I chose the rhyming scheme being aabB, ccbB, ddbB
iI thought this one was quite fun, though i got bit confused on wether child is one or two syllables, if its wrong someone please say.
In a list
A contest entry
- Buffet Of Options by JeannieD Hunter.
600 points, ended May 22, 2007, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Awww, a very pretty poem. I love that wings are a representation of your childhood. I really like the repeated line, and this whole form actually.
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wow... just wow.. you have a talent, and the rhymes were right on cue.. you must've loved your childhood.. this was a beautiful poem, keep up the great writing
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Beautiful write, if only we could go back to the innocence of youth sometimes...Scott
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i really saw the emotion behind this poem, and i'm impressed that you chose to try a new style.. most people dont do that in this day and age, so you get my props.
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i agree w/ koala i really like this poem but i dont really understand your point--i blame craming before finals has melted my brain
that was also my fav line--wierd
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Gorgeous
I bloody love this poem. It’s so soft and tender. I don’t get what you were talking about at the end, I haven’t started to explore the discipline behind poetry, and I’m dyslexic so I’m still struggling with the basic rules of language. But nevertheless I really liked this poem.
I once had wings; they burst and grew' Definitely my favorite line
Thanks for sharing
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I do like this and appreciate the images it creates in the mind. Thank you for entering and good luck.
Jeannie -
You might want to change 'child' to 'childs'. It sounds better to me, but that's just me...
Love the repetition in this and the way you describe innocence.
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I like this! And I agree sometimes the perfect rhyme doesn't matter, it is the content and meaning of the poem that is important. This is wonderful. Very well written.
Thanks for this entry and good luck.
Jeannie
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As long as I'm reading the dictionary right, child is only one syllable, but it sounds like two to me. I'm not scholarly enough to give you a correct answer about that. Your rhyme scheme is askew with 'aged' and 'blades.' It seems more like a near rhyme.
The third stanza doesn't seem to work for me. The other three end with an action that can be done with hands, but the third ends with whistling. Which now that I think of it can be done with hands in a way, but that might be lost on others as it just was with me.
Otherwise I liked the poem, and even though I'm not familiar with the style, good job
It seems to express a loss of innocence that people often don't notice when they 'grow up.' Just one day it's a realization that we're not kids anymore. Impressive.
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ok im on to change the third stanza i can see what you mean, it isnt clear enough, i will not change the rhyming between aged and blade because although it is only a half rhyme i feel it works...but cheers for the comment, very helpful
nay x
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"With gentle tender child hands"
I just love that line... lol
This is definately one of the best poems I've read in a while. It's easy to read but still tell the truth in my mind; how children keep going on understanding so much of this world in their own way and going on believing they can do anything. It's kind of a shame that children have to loose their wings when they grow up.
I can't find anything bad to say about this piece so for me, it's a perfect hit
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