I've been thinking of mortality,
of the sound of all sound gone -
senses stripped away forever.
First, among all things
I would miss:
natural music woven
into and through
the tendrils of this life
as laughter, tears,
and all moments of joy.
I don't want to die
until the perfect word is found.
But, I've been thinking about mortality
as a last or next step,
the proof of God or nothing
balanced on a thread as
slender as the next breath.
I'm damned either way,
and blessed with an unerring ability
to honestly not give a damn.
But the moments of pure human-ness -
a woman's kiss, cool soft wind,
the indistinct sound
of distant conversation
on a beach or in the woods -
are enough (never enough).
A contest entry
- You know who you are... by Nicole Hanna.
11000 points, ended June 8, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your best work composed over the last twelve months by Lute.
600 points, ended January 9, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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content 7.4
vocabulary 10.5
accuracy 7.8
creativity 7.4
theme 7.6
originality 7.3
totals-48 -
Seemingly.
I tend to agree with that later stanza..I guess the better of this world is bliss and love..though we find no true contentment from it, wanting more. Mortality rest inside our minds. the after world is something we imagine. We cannot truly understand till that day is upon us. If only we could feel imortal realtime the now..Would it then be so right...Ah the man with so few words and says a lot...has caused me to ponder...
Mal
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I have read this several times over the past few days since you first posted it, and I am at a total loss for words (I can't find the perfect word for this...)--I can only tell you that I think it's one of your best, and that I love you.
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Adored the first stanza and the following couplet. Simply adored it. You could have the first and final stanzas and still have a completely beautiful piece of poetry that feels whole in and of itself. Lovely stuff here my friend. You sure know how to pull out the good stuff :
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Fucking hell, you're good. Too good for me, but what's probably so lovely about this is that, though it addresses a complex topic, it gets its point across so effectively and simply, that I can actually make sense of everything present here. That takes skill far beyond my abilities. Well done.
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"I'm damned either way,
and blessed with an unerring ability
to honestly not give a damn."
lol..I love that.
This is an excellent entry for Nicole's contest!
Very fine work.
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Your ending line was fantastic... and your threads put out such a vivid image !! Beautiful write Much luck in the contest
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ah. I love that end line. Beautiful.
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