her legs covered in bruises,
she lies and says she fell,
this secrete that she hides,
she mustn't ever tell.
she's so despret to be loved,
yet she'll never love again,
that broken heart of hers,
was never ment to mend.
if her own father can't love her,
the who ever wil,
she finially decides,
her self she shall kill.
the pills in her stomach,
the pain slipping away,
in life, in death,
in hell was she to stay.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I, too, am a big fan of rhyming poetry and like how you went with the flow- good job. U definitely got the message out of pain and turmoil in this poem. Nice job
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thank you so much
for commenting on all the poems you did and entering my contest =p
it means a lot to me
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I really like that this isn't an all there is "this is my poem" type approach to writing. the subject matter is diffcult to deal with, and you have done so admirably. I especially like that it ended with a question, it makes it overflow into the imagination.
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Wow. Um... I might as well just repost the entire thing.
"Her legs covered in bruises;
she lies and says she fell.
This secret that she hides
she mustn't ever tell.
She's so desperate to be loved,
yet she'll never love again.
That broken heart of hers
was never meant to mend.
If her own father can't love her,
then who ever will?
She finally decides
herself she shall kill.
The pills in her stomach;
the pain slipping away.
In life, in death,
in hell was she to stay."
Okay, got that OCD over with.
ABuse is such a sad thing. I've been through this before, and the line that hit the hardest was "If her own father can't love her,/then who ever will?" this is a bit cliche, and doesn't have much detail/poetuc devices at all, but potential is definitely there.
Jeanette*~
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awww first thankyou so much for commenting! and second thanks for a NICE comment!
abuse is a very sad thing and im very sorry if you had to go through it. i know its not an easy thing...
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wow. very emotional. strong. i like it.
:]] good job! -
I loved it...well done...... but killing yourself isent never the answer, there is other ways out, you just dont know it yet so hang in there
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Really well written poem. I loved it. Very sad though. I like the rhyme (big fan of rhyming poetry) and flow. Good job!
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Aww it is sad but cool at the same time i like it keep up the good work!!!
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this is very sad...stay strong dear...I would hate to see the world kill you like that
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my adopted sister was abused by her father too, abused and sexually molested, so, in a way from helping her through, i can understand it...my father died when i was young so i dont know what having one hurt, or even try to hurt would be like.i realy liked the poem, it describes my sister perfectly. goodjob
if you need to talk e-mail me or messae me, ill try my best
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thankyou so much for commenting...
im really sorry about your sister...
and thanks for the offer to be there for me, it means alot
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good
okay so i felt like crap one time but i didnt take it this far it seems like what eer it is is hurting you really badly just let me know if you need anything and you can talk to me anytime... but umm get on aim im on right now
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lol sorry i wasn't on when you sent me those messages...hopefully i'll talk to you later
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sweet heart this is so sad. there is so much pain in this. it's not personal is it? i reall yhope not.
remember im here for ya
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aww thanks. its a lil personal...i dunno..im ok right now...just feel like my depression is coming back and its kinda freaking me out...
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