+
Dear
Father
in Heaven
we need mercy
+ + +
Set free these children
bleeding and bruised by abuse
break chains of agony loose
guide them to safety
+ + +
Embrace all souls
despairing
battered
torn
apart
betrayed by
butchers not men
+ + +
Soothe these dear children
shrunken by shame not their own
damaged by fear and alone
shelter them with love
+ + +
Help them to find
peace within
respect
hope
+
Joyce Josephson
Author notes
*Arkquain Swirl* form by Arkbear
Abuse can be a life sentence. My prayer is for all survivors of abuse, whether it be physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, or neglect. Most survivors carry their burdens for life, and the rippling effects upon others are vast.
Option 3. My abuse was of a verbal nature. Fear, anger, and excessive control were weapons/manipilations my father used against my Mom and all of us, sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. My Father was and still is deeply depressed and insecure.
You can publish this piece. Please give Arkbear credit for the form. Please don't publish the notes about my Dad.
Freed by Mercy
In a list
A contest entry
- *~ Poetry Formed VI ~* by Arkbear.
875 points, ended May 23, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Anniversary Bash On AP - Plenty Of Options!!! by Midnight-x-Rose.
700 points, ended June 22, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All options by Blood Princess.
450 points, ended July 19, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LAST DAY ONLY - PREWRITES ALLOWED - REMEMBER ONE WINNER ONLY PER CATEGORY by G00dy2Shoes.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 28 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - EDIT: ADDING POINTS! Come Be A Voice...Hearts Loving and True, Sincere...Lets Speak Out On Abuse..And start DOING instead of just watching... by PassionsPromise.
2500 points, ended December 10, 2007, 36 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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A fantastic poem/prayer. You have written with such feeling and emotion, outstanding. Best of luck to you.
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Wonderfully done Joyce, the form looks great and it's a well stated prayer to all those who suffer from abuse today. Thank you for entering, I appreciate it...Scott
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Accept all conditions my sister willnot publish notes on father.
Thanks for your promptness.
Tory -
Okay first off I loved this.
Second, reread contents of contest and add info to your AN. then message me when your done and you are moved to the finalist section.
Thanks for sharing such a powerful prayer for our children.
God bless you my freind.
Tory
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A beautiful prayer and a beautiful form.. All the best!!
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wow this is a good poem i love reading poems on child abused, because i know what its like. good job and good luck in the contest
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This is very sad and you are right we do need to stop this from happening. Sometimes giving people a guilt trip helps, it gives them a boost to want to be different at all costs. Thanks for entering this write, I enjoyed Ark's form!
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I like this form also. I'm glad you liked my poem.
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What an awesome write ~
I will start with the bad ~
Lines 6, 9, 15 & 17 could've used a bit of tweeking for an
almost flawless Swirl ~
The Theme is powerful ~
The effort to create this Arkquain to
perfection is so noticeable ~
Your chosen grammar is perfect and heartfelt ~
Rhyme is perfect ~
The flow is seamless ~
HOWEVER......per say the rules, the aesthetic
appeal is 75 % of your score ~
Once Poets get the Form down,
then I will start looking at the guts of their write ~
The Arkquain is like....
a Lanturne
a Cinquain,
a Rictameter,
a Haiku'
....it is Art ~
....and we must be able to place our
thoughts in text form within the walls of these forms ~
If Formed Poetry was just thrown together.....
....placing proper syllable count, yet forgetting the Art...
...then we'd have just a bunch of words ~
One thing I have learned about Formed Poetry,
is to respect it !
In the early stages of its' Life,
the Aesthetic eye appeal is what drove Poets
to try and conquer these pieces of Art ~
You on the other hand....
.....almost....did that ~
There is really nothing much to critique about this lovely
write, except the structure surrounding these beautiful words ~
Now....I know this all sounds harsh....but I can see the
determination you placed within your hand....it's called
a quill that wants to perfect this Form ~
I know pride is a sin....but there is nothing wrong with
enjoying what you do and trying to be the best at it ~
There is ONE more contest coming up
with BIG points ~
Winner takes ALL !!
You have what it takes ~
I hope to see you there ~
( - .22 pts. )
SCORE: 9.78
SMILE!!!!
This is one of my favorite top two as far as
Theme goes ~
Bear ~
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Thanks, Bear, for the very constructive crit.
I want to give you a
!
I worked really hard on this (sheltered helped me a bit).
9.78 is great!
It's a puzzle to get these right, and not lose on the language. Since I am an artist (designer) of sorts, it's eye appeal is important to me, too.
Joyce
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Lovely Form and Content
This is an awesome plea for hope for all children, very expressive and very skillfully penned. I am loving gthis format you will have to give me some information on it.
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This was beautiful! I love the background as well the words that highlight it! Excellent message and your flow carries the reader through effortlessly. Wonderful work and my pleasure to read
~Tia
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Very good
This is a lovely poem with lovely sentiments, and
such a difficult form to stick to too. Very interesting and I hope you do well in the contest.
Dixie
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This is a truly lovely write; it’s a wonderfully executed Arkquain Swirl in the form of a prayer, an emotional and pleading prayer and one that I will pray as well in hopes that it will be answered. This is the first of your poems that I have seen, I’m truly impressed.
Love,
Amera
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Wow what an excellent job you have done with this! Very clever write indeed. I managed the Arkquain but the swirl is too hard for me lol
Fabulous work! All the best to you
Gaylene
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I was going to return the favor ~
I wish I could Judge this now....but rules say I can not ~
All I am going to say, is that the syllable count is
perfect and the eye appeal is a bit off on just ONE line!
You have to figure out which line it is ~
hehe
Bear ~
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Pretty decent shape and an awesome message to boot. Very poetic. Great job. Best to you.
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Thanks!
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